Sometimes It's A Real Slog

Heading uphill yesterday at the beginning of what we’ve come to call “our” logging road, it was hard from the get-go. We have been hiking this same 1.7 miles straight uphill since March, and it’s never been piece-of-cake easy. Which is a good thing because that means we are continuing to increase our stamina and strength, so that we can keep going strong for as long as possible.

But yesterday, it was rough. There was snow on the road making it harder to get a good purchase. I could feel myself start to panic a little, and for the first time I actually wondered if I could make it to the top. Focusing on how hard it was, I lost sight of the fact that I could stop if I needed to. And when ready, keep going.

This is really hard. I said to my husband.

We stopped so that I could catch my breath. Gradually calm replaced panic, and we set off again, this time at a slightly slower but still steady pace, our footsteps falling together on the road. It was still hard, but somehow the hard wasn’t as hard, when I remembered that we simply needed to keep going. And if we did, we would make it to the top.

This is a real slog today, Tom said. (Thank God! It wasn’t just me.)

We broke out of the trees just as the sun was cresting the top of the ridge across the valley. The brilliant blue sky, white snow, and dark green trees all added up to a spectacular morning. And if we hadn’t kept going, if we had stopped because it was hard, we would have missed it.

Two deer appeared on the hillside, and then two more, all of them slowly climbing the steep, snow covered slope. Disappearing behind some trees, and then appearing again, it was like a game of hide-and-seek. One minute they were there, and then they were gone. And if we hadn’t kept going, if we had stopped because it was hard, we would have missed it.

This feels a lot like life right now, I said.

This year has been nothing if not an uphill grind. A grind that’s likely to continue for some time to come, and It will be hard. Somedays it will be a real slog. There will be days when we might panic a little, not sure if we can make it. We will need to stop and catch our breath so that we can remember that we simply need to keep going. And if we do, we will make it to the top, even catching glimpses of beauty along the way.

It never got easy yesterday. But the view from the top was worth every step. And if we hadn’t kept going, if we had stopped because it was hard, we would have missed it.

Stop and catch your breath when you need to, and then, keep going.

This is Christmas

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Except it isn’t.

Not this year. There are traditions we’ve come to count on year after year, and if we can’t honor those traditions, well then, it’s just not Christmas.

Except it is.

We have to let go of so many things that make the holiday the holiday, that it almost feels easier, more manageable, and less painful to pretend that it’s just not Christmas.

Except it is.

It might not look anything like the ones we remember, but a reminder of what Christmas has always been— Love showing up in the darkest of places and the most unlikely of circumstances.

It might not look anything like what we want, but it might be just the one we need.

If we try and make it what it’s always been, we’ll miss what it could be.

This is Christmas.

Let’s not miss it.

Bouncing Off Ideas

What is your idea of marriage?

This is a question posed by a good friend of mine when he is providing pre-marital counseling to a couple. Each person has the opportunity to share their answer out loud with the other. In other words, they take the opportunity to bounce their ideas off of one another before actually getting married.

It’s a brilliant question to ask, and an equally brilliant practice to hone .

Because the truth of the matter is, marriage isn’t just two people coming together. It is also the joining of two ideas about what marriage means. What marriage looks like. Which is all well and good until we encounter something where our ideas don’t match up. Which is where the rubber meets the relationship road.

My hunch is that the healthiest, most resilient marriages, or relationships of any sort for that matter, aren’t those where both people see everything the same way all the time. Rather, over time, they have honed the skills to uncover how they each see things, and then use what they discover to better navigate the road ahead.

After 26 years together, my husband and I are still honing these skills.

We had talked about getting our Christmas tree today. Which for us means tromping out onto our property to find a tree that will have to be cut down eventually anyway because it is in our view corridor.

So.

In my mind, we were going to bundle up, take our time, meander here and there, find the tree, cut it down, drag it back to the house, and set it up. Twinkle lights, a few ornaments, candles on the mantle, and a Christmas movie in the background.

Which was all well and good until Tom came downstairs ready to get out there, cut it down, drag it back to the house, and get back up to his office as quickly as possible. Because we hadn’t bounced our ideas off of each other, we found them butting up against each other instead. Thankfully, we stuck it out as we’ve learned to do, talking it through from both of our angles, and combining my idea with his idea to come up with our idea.

Tom headed back up to his office, and I bundled up and headed outside for a good long walk with Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle, looking over a few of our tree options along the way.

The same thing happens to all of us all the time. We have an idea about something. About what whatever it is looks like. And the other person, our partner, parent, friend, relative, co-worker, teammate, neighbor, manager, service provider, teammate, has an idea too. Which is all well and good until we discover that our ideas don’t match up.

So.

What is your idea of fill-in-the-blank?

Now, go bounce your idea off of whomever it is about whatever it is. And invite them to do the same.

(Shout out to Dane Anthony for the brilliant question and equally brilliant practice.)

Photo by Rodolfo Clix from Pexels

Having Its Way With Us

I love December. The way the sun stays low in the sky, the temperatures fall and darkness descends early, and the reminder that the year isn’t over yet. Yes, a new year looms over the horizon, but this one isn’t done with us yet.

This year, perhaps more than any other, we’ve discovered so much about ourselves. The good, the bad, and even—or especially—the ugly. These final days of the year are ones in which to take stock and decide what to do with what we’ve been given. And, when the time comes to turn the page on a new year, know what to bring with us, and what to leave behind.

The year 2020 has been one for the books, and there are still 31 days for this year to have its way with us. May we end this last chapter well.

Advent 2020: A Season of Opposites

Advent is a season of anticipation and expectation. My faith tradition marks the four Sundays of Advent by lighting four candles, each symbolizing a different theme. While there are slight variations, four that are quite common among many denominations are hope, peace, joy, and love. This past Sunday we lit the first Advent candle.

If ever we were in need of hope, it is now.

And yet, the pandemic rages on and the race for a vaccine is far from over.

If ever we were in need of peace, it is now.

And yet, the battle for the better angels of our collective nature rages on.

If ever we were in need of joy, it is now.

And yet, the days grow shorter and the nights longer, shrouding our outer world with the same darkness that threatens our inner light.

If ever we were in need of love, it is now.

And yet, we must choose loneliness over love as we cannot gather with those we love the most because we love them the most.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize the hope of better days to come and the despair of how long it might take for them to get here. Both are true.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize the peace that passes all understanding and the battles that make no sense. Both are true.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize joy to world and the sorrow that is engulfing it. Both are true.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize the love that is all around us and the loneliness because those we love are not. Both are true.

Advent 2020 is as much a season of opposites as it is of anticipation. Hope and despair, peace and strife, joy and sorrow, love and loneliness.

We light the candles, because both are true.

(With gratitude to Pastor Laura Robinson)

Mox-Nix

When faced with two options, my sister often replies, “Mox Nix”. It comes from the German es macht nichts, and originated with American soldiers stationed in Germany after WWII. The gist of the term is that it really doesn’t matter, or it isn’t that important.

I’ve always loved the term, and how the words feel rolling off my tongue.

If 2020 has taught us anything, it is that there are things that matter, and things that don’t. We’ve also learned, or perhaps, remembered, how little is under our control, and we don’t like that. We’d rather have our hands firmly at the helm thank you, and when we can’t, we get scared, grab for control wherever we can get it, and pick battles that don’t matter with the people that do. .

We want what we want, and we want it now. But there is little joy in such victories, and while we may get what we want, rarely do we get what we need.

Mox Nix can help with that.

No Laughing Matter

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”

— Proverbs 17:22 KJV

Today, I feel great, as in awesome. I haven’t felt this good, this upbeat, this happy, in, well, in since I can’t remember when. And it’s not because vaccines for the Coronavirus have gotten FDA approval and are being widely distributed. It isn’t because the current president has graciously conceded defeat and authorized a peaceful transfer of power. Nor is it because I can hug my family and friends with abandon, gather together around a table to share a meal, or see fewer wrinkles when I look in the mirror.

None of those things have happened.

And it’s not because the Seattle Seahawks beat the Arizona Cardinals Thursday night. Which did happen. (Well, maybe that helped just a little.)

It took me awhile to figure out why I woke up on the bright side of the bed, which isn’t how I normally roll. It turned out to be pretty simple.

It was laughter. Laughter was the magic sauce that brightened my day and lightened my load.

Last night just before crawling into bed I received a text from one of our daughters about our four and a half month old grand-boy. His bedtime routine includes feeding him just before he goes to bed. Last night he stopped nursing, looked up at his mom and just started laughing. And couldn’t quit. He just laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more. He was , she texted, like a little person who just found out how good laughing feels.

Drifting off to sleep, just thinking about that little happy-to-his-toes-boy laughing, made me laugh.

This morning over my first cup of coffee in the pre-dawn dark on our porch, I watched a Taylor Calmus, aka dudedad, story.

It.

Was.

Hilarious.

I couldn’t stop laughing. (Do yourself a favor and watch it— maybe more than once.)

Yesterday ended with laughter. Today started with it. Psychology Today suggests that laughter can boost our immune system and our mood, lower anxiety, help us release tension, and foster resilience. Sounds like good medicine to me.

Life is no laughing matter right now.

Which is exactly why laughing matters more than ever.

Photo by Rodolfo Quirós from Pexels

Whose Business Is It?

The day I created #ThePostcardProject, I felt excited and hopeful. Energized, I got to work bringing what felt like an inspired idea to life.

The day I decided to launch #ThePostcardProject, I started to feel silly and uncertain, anxious and afraid, self-conscious and small.

What if nobody thought it was a good idea?

What if no one else got on board, and I was the only one to actually do it?

What if #ThePostcardProject never got any traction? Never went anywhere? Never got noticed?

The more I marinated in those familiar feelings that show up whenever it’s time to actually put something I’ve created into the world, the more stymied I became. It was just about then that God leaned in close and whispered, “That’s none of your business Molly.” In other words, all I had to do was get about my business.

Byron Katie reminds us that there are only three kinds of business in the world—my business, your business, and God’s business. Bringing an idea to life and sharing it with the world is my business. What anyone else does with that idea is their business. And where it goes from here, is God’s business.

We never know what will happen when we offer something to the world. That’s none our business. Offering what we have to share is.

Do you have an idea waiting to come to life?

Then please, get about your business.

Fruitful

Let’s just put this one to rest—life is hard. No two ways about it. While it isn’t necessarily hard all the time or every day, over the long haul there is plenty of hard to go around.

For example:

The other night Tom and I went to bed at odds with each other. That doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, I hate it. We both do. Neither of us had the capacity to deal with it, which meant we had to sleep with it. As I turned over, and closed my eyes, a thought occurred to me. May it be fruitful.

The next morning on the porch in the cold pre-dawn darkness we sat with our coffee, trying to make sense of what had happened. It was a hard, emotional, and painful conversation. It wasn’t fun. I cried a lot. It took listening on both of our parts, and eventually we found our way back to each other.

The fruit of that hard thing was that we discovered how to be better partners to each other.

Life is harder than ever right now. For me, and for the people I love, and most of the time there isn’t much we can do for one another other than to listen and bear witness to the hard. That, and pray that whatever it is will bear good fruit. That we will lean into the pain, or the fear, or the conflict, or the anxiety, or the anger, or the loneliness, or the grief, and turn it into something fruitful.

Nothing else makes sense.

Because the only thing that makes something hard even harder is when it doesn’t bear fruit.

Waiting Is Hard Work

I’m not much of a rafter. In fact, if I never raft again that would be ok with me.

The few times that I have put on my life jacked, climbed into a raft, and headed down a river, one of the most interesting parts of the experience is when preparing to run another set of rapids. An experienced rafter holds the raft back, paddling and maneuvering against the current to get the boat into the best position to successfully navigate the water ahead. The challenge comes from the constant pull of the current trying to carry the raft forward.

It is a waiting game that takes patience, skill, and hard work. The payoff is that when the time comes to head back into the rapids, those in the raft are ready for the ride.

We are in the waiting game of our lives right now.

The pandemic, which feels like it might never end, is only heating up as the temperatures outside go down. As much as we all long to gather around tables again with friends and families, worship together in our houses of worship, cheer for our favorite teams in packed stadiums, send our children back to school free and unencumbered, frequent our favorite bars and restaurants, join together to honor and celebrate important events, and hug with abandon, we must wait.

The final results of a contentious election, while clear to the many, are being muddied and held up by the few. As much as we’d like to put this all behind us and get on with the hard work of building a country that works for all of us, we must wait.

The economy is at a standstill while our need to support ourselves and our families marches on. As much as we would like for everyone to return to work and get back to business, we must wait.

Waiting can feel like we are doing nothing.

Don’t fall for that notion.

Waiting is not meant to be passive.

Waiting is active, and it takes patience, skill, and hard work.

Like preparing to run the rapids, now is the time to maneuver against the current in order to put ourselves in the best position to navigate the waters ahead. Rapids we’ve never encountered before await us, and now is the time to ready ourselves for the ride.

Learn what can only be learned during this time of waiting.

Discover what can only be discovered during this time of waiting.

Develop the skills that can only be developed during this time of waiting.

When tempted to let go and get back into the flow of life again, let’s hold fast. Let’s do the hard work of waiting. The payoff is that when the time comes to head back into the rapids, we will be ready for the ride.