Waiting In The Dark

There’s been an inversion in our valley for at least a week. The clouds hang low, the light is flat, the landscape drab, and the days feel dreary, a little depressing, and I can’t wait for it to get dark.

That’s because there is a difference between grey days and dark nights.

In my faith tradition this is the season of Advent. It is a time when we light candles in anticipation and preparation. It is a time of waiting in the darkness for the coming of the light.

In the story of that first holy night, a mother had been waiting too, anticipating the birth of her baby. A baby who must have arrived with all of the birth pains and the mess and the wonder that new life brings.

Darkness is an invitation to wait for the light, and to anticipate the birth of something new. With all of the birth pains and mess and wonder that new life brings.

All Is Well

Someone I love gifted me The Quiet Collection by Emily P. Freeman. An advent offering, it is ten short reflective messages narrated by Emily, a self-described writer and listener. Each is accompanied by beautiful, soulful piano music, and every one has been breathtakingly beautiful, and both soul provoking and soul soothing, which is exactly what my soul seems to need right now. To be provoked, not to set goals or resolutions or even intentions as this year fades into the next, but rather to wake up and be reminded that at the deepest of all levels, all is well.

All is well?

Hard to imagine given the shit-show on display on our global stage. But that’s where the soothing part comes in. My soul needs to wrap itself around the truth that underneath everything, out of sight and out of reach of our intellectual minds that attempt to make logical sense of things, there is a Love greater than any we can imagine holding us up, surrounding us, and flowing through us. The only work we have to do is to decide to participate in that great Love. To offer our hands and our hearts and our lives to help, heal, and love the world that is within our reach. It’s as easy as that, and on most days, as hard as it gets.

But as Gandalf told Frodo as he was headed to Mordor and the fires of Mt. Doom, “The only thing we have to decide is what to do with the time we’ve been given.”

What is true for a small, scared hobbit is true for us small, scared humans as well.

(Advent is over, but for now it looks like The Quiet Collection is still available on Emily’s website. See link at top of post.)

Advent 2020: A Season of Opposites

Advent is a season of anticipation and expectation. My faith tradition marks the four Sundays of Advent by lighting four candles, each symbolizing a different theme. While there are slight variations, four that are quite common among many denominations are hope, peace, joy, and love. This past Sunday we lit the first Advent candle.

If ever we were in need of hope, it is now.

And yet, the pandemic rages on and the race for a vaccine is far from over.

If ever we were in need of peace, it is now.

And yet, the battle for the better angels of our collective nature rages on.

If ever we were in need of joy, it is now.

And yet, the days grow shorter and the nights longer, shrouding our outer world with the same darkness that threatens our inner light.

If ever we were in need of love, it is now.

And yet, we must choose loneliness over love as we cannot gather with those we love the most because we love them the most.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize the hope of better days to come and the despair of how long it might take for them to get here. Both are true.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize the peace that passes all understanding and the battles that make no sense. Both are true.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize joy to world and the sorrow that is engulfing it. Both are true.

We light an Advent candle to symbolize the love that is all around us and the loneliness because those we love are not. Both are true.

Advent 2020 is as much a season of opposites as it is of anticipation. Hope and despair, peace and strife, joy and sorrow, love and loneliness.

We light the candles, because both are true.

(With gratitude to Pastor Laura Robinson)

Ready For Christmas?

In every checkout line, on every phone call, in every meeting, and everywhere in between, there seems to be one question on everybody’s mind.

Are you ready for Christmas?

What does that even mean?

Are you ready for Christmas?

The answer usually involves deep breaths and a palpable sense of being behind on whatever it is we think it means to be ready for a holiday we’ve known about for the last 364 days, but that sneaks up on us anyway.

Are you ready for Christmas?

In my faith tradition, to be ready for Christmas is about watching and waiting. It is about entering into a time of darkness as we wait for the light to appear. It is about Love arriving in our midst in the most unlikely and humble of circumstances.

Are you ready for Christmas?

Christmas isn’t about doing things to be ready. It is about readying our hearts for what is to come.

Eyes To See

To be a Christian is to see Christ in everyone and everything.

Richard Rohr 

Leaving the conference where for three days we considered what it really means to be God’s people in the world, and to live out our faith in real and meaningful ways, one of my commitments is to practice seeing Jesus everywhere. To see in all I encounter the image of the One I claim to follow.

Easier said than done, which is why it is a practice. 

Walking back to pick up our bags from the AirBnB with this commitment fresh on my mind, walking directly toward us was my first opportunity to practice. A man that I might typically describe as “sketchy” stepped in our path. Instantly I was on high alert, adrenaline shooting through my veins, and I was ready to bolt. He appeared to be in his late twenties, scruffy beard, clothes that hadn’t seen a washing machine in some time, toting a backpack, and my immediate impression was that he was a sophisticated pan-handler, or worse. My practice of avoiding such folks is obviously well-honed, and the possibility that he might reflect the image of the Carpenter who lived about 2000 years ago didn’t even cross my fearful, judgmental mind.

And then Jesus showed up.  

Out of the mouth of the man blocking our path, the man I typically see as “the other”, the one from whom I would normally avert my eyes, came these words...I’m sorry to interrupt your conversation folks, but I need to tell you all to have a blessed day. 

With a warm smile and a nod, he continued on his way. 

I’m not saying that we should abandon our common sense and pay attention to our surroundings.  

I’m not saying we shouldn’t take protective action should we need it. 

I guess what I’m saying is that maybe we need new glasses with which to see the image of the Holy everywhere we look.

At least I know I do.

Peace Out

As it turns out, maintaining inner peace is no piece of cake. After writing yesterday about Choosing Peace, I woke up with the best of intentions. I read in my morning book, Into The Magic Shop by James Doty, learning about how to breathe your body into a state of peaceful calm. After that, I spent some time in meditation, got ready to go the gym, and had our sacred morning hug with my husband. As far as I could tell, I was choosing peace, peace, and more peace.

Then it all went to hell in a hand basket.

Over what kind of laundry detergent to purchase.

My husband at one end of the counter with his list of the most effective products à la Consumer Reports, me on the other end listing out my environmental concerns. It wasn’t one of my finer moments when I accused him of being “fastidious” to a fault, and, I had to add, at the expense of our planet, not to mention our daughters who care about such things.

Peace was out, frustration was in.

As far as I could see in that moment either one cared about the environment, or one did not. Which is precisely where the problem lay; either-or-thinking. Once my feet were firmly planted in needing to be right, it became about winning or losing, and it’s hard to find peace in the midst of a battle.

To be clear, maintaining an inner sense of peace doesn’t mean going along to get along, or acting conciliatory to avoid conflict. But peace is a shelter that can be found in the midst of almost any storm, and thankfully, by the time I got home from the gym, I’d found my way back there.

When we resumed our conversation I discovered, as it turns out, that one can both care about the environment and clean laundry.

Peace out.

✌️

Choosing Peace

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.: – Pema Chodron

It is the second Sunday in Advent, ushering in the theme of Peace.

Let’s start with the basics. What is peace?

The dictionary defines it as freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility; mental calm. Taken at face value, it would seem that peace is available only in the absence of disruption and in the presence of tranquil circumstances. That, however, doesn’t jive with life as I know it. Peace has to be an inside job, because most of the time life is messy and full of disturbances of all kind. Our cell phone rings, messages ding, email floods our inbox, traffic comes to a halt, the kids get sick, a pipe breaks in the house, we miss our flight, relationships go sideways, and fear mongers control our airwaves. Peace cannot depend on our circumstances, because our circumstances are not dependable.

Peace is a choice.

Peace is an option.

Peace is a decision.

Peace is a practice.

Peace is a habit.

Peace is a perspective.

Peace is a possiblity.

If there is peace to be had, it is up to me to find it, not wait for it to find me.

Scheduling Hope

Hope is a condition of the heart in which we live with a sense of confident expectation and anticipation. Yet with all that is on most of our plates, it can be easy to lose touch with any air of expectancy, and live instead gasping for breath due to the pressure of all that is expected of us.

Queue the calendar.

When I am mindful to use it well, my calendar becomes an instrument of hope…

A monthly video call with two dear friends and colleagues, where together we’ve created a safe place in which to engage in courageous and vulnerable thinking.

Sessions with a trainer who is helping me move from rehab of an injury to the renewal of my strength and capacity to do the things that I love.

Coaching sessions with one of my clients who is decidedly all in on our work together, and shows up fully every time we meet.

Time set aside to help our daughter and her family get ready for their move to a new house, smack dab in the middle of the holidays.

FaceTime dates with those I love.

Family coming over the river and through the woods for Christmas.

A massage, a much needed haircut, and a pedicure.

Friends for dinner, and a New Year’s Eve party.

Seattle Seahawks games that could land us in the playoffs.

A candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

As Annie Dillard says, How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives. By making sure to include in my days that which makes me come alive, I am choosing to live in a state of hopeful anticipation.

A calendar as an instrument of hope?

Who knew?

Hope Is A Team Sport

I’m not sure when it started.

Maybe it was the year that we bought a piece of property, sold our house, and put everything we owned in storage, as we planned and began building our mountain home. While construction continued we split our time between the old airstream parked on our property, and a string of house-sitting gigs we cobbled together. Needless to say, we’d taken on a lot, let go of even more, life felt untethered, and I often needed reassurance that everything would be ok. As I often do when I am in need of hope that all is well, or at least will be, I would turn to my husband Tom, and after hearing my concerns, he would put his hands on my shoulders, lock eyes with me, and say…

“It’s gonna be ok.”

And I would believe him.

I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s said those same words to me.

“It’s gonna be ok.”

And I believe him.

Anymore, I don’t even have to explain what I’m anxious about. I just tell him that I need him to say it to me. And he does.

“It’s gonna be ok.”

And I believe him.

What I love about this little routine we have together, is that his words are always true. It doesn’t mean that things are always going to work out the way I want, or that there haven’t been and won’t continue to be challenges, heartaches, and difficulties. For me, it means that come what may, we will find our way through. That there is a deep and abiding love that supports and surrounds us, not to save us from trouble, but to travel with us in the midst of it. That in the long run, love and goodness always win.

When it boils down to it, hope is a team sport, and everyone can play. We offer hope to one another, taking turns putting our hands on one another’s shoulders, locking eyes and saying…

“It’s gonna be ok.”

ATG Photography

Working For Hope

“Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”

~ Barack Obama

Hope is not static.

It is a noun that names a state of expectancy and anticipation, and, it is a verb that describes an active expectation and anticipation for a treasured outcome. Hope is a two-step process.

Step one is gaining clarity on a treasured outcome. The more clear the desired outcome, the stronger the state of expectancy and anticipation as we wait for our hopes to be fulfilled.

Do you want to write a book? Create a more fulfilling life? Stand on a stage and move an audience? Make a ton of money? Help heal the earth? Climb a mountain?

Step one only gets us so far.

Step two is doing something about attaining what we hope for.

Books get written by those who write. A fulfilling life might mean letting go of what and who no longer fit, in order to fit in what and who just might. The stage door opens for those with a compelling message. People will pay big money for what they deem valuable. The smallest right actions helps to restore the planet. Summiting a mountain starts with summiting a hill.

Sometimes hope looks like waiting and working your ass off all at the same time.