Cancelled

There are a lot of things being cancelled right now due to the uncertainty and panic surrounding the Coronavirus. Airline flights, conferences, meetings, conventions, sports team practices, long planned vacations and birthday parties, just to name a few, are getting axed. Eventually, especially if well-informed and calmer heads prevail, we will find our way out of this mess, but until we do, cancellation will continue to be a major buzz word.

Recently, for reasons far less significant and serious than a possible pandemic, a few events and obligations on my calendar have been scrubbed. My response every time was an immediate “Yes!” followed by a sigh of relief. Now, the things being cancelled were things I was committed to and even looking forward to.

However.

The fact that my first reaction was relief and not disappointment told me something. My response suggested that perhaps I needed a little more open space on my calendar and more generous margins around my days. I’ve taken these cancellations as a reminder to take a beat before adding something to my calendar.

The next time something on your calendar is cancelled, notice your response, and then, respond accordingly.

Photo by Jonas Kakaroto from Pexels

The Days Of Our Lives

How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard

I have a love-hate relationship with time. I love that I have it and am grateful for every moment that is mine. I hate how hard it is to corral it, and to create a framework that enables me to spend those moments in meaningful ways.

There is no question that time is one of the most valuable resources entrusted to us, and like any other asset at our disposal, it is about so much more than mere management. It is about stewardship.

What will we do with the time we have?

It seems like a question worthy of some serious consideration, and today was my day to consider.

Taking different colored sticky notes, I created four categories, and the endeavors and activities that fall under each. Putting them up in separated columns on the wall, I began moving the pieces around to reflect my priorities. It wasn’t an exercise in creating a longterm plan. I was building a platform for creating a life.

When the picture felt complete, I began playing around with the calendar function shared on all of my devices. I use iCal exclusively for organizing my days, and so assigned a different color to each category so that my calendar visually mirrored the sticky notes on the wall.

While providing ample time for each category, I also built in margins. Times that provide a buffer and build in a sense of spaciousness. Looking at this newly emerging framework, I was reminded that just because there is open space on my calendar doesn’t mean I need to fill it. I began to get a glimpse of how knowing what matters will help me know what to do when, and make more clear what is mine to do. And, what is not. The further along in the process, the more I could see how I can better connect who I am at my core with how I live out in the world.

It’s still a work in progress, and hopefully will be until I run out of the moments that are mine to live. I can expect that for the rest of my days the unanticipated, good, bad, and otherwise, will show up and blow a carefully planned day out of the water, because time is meant to be fluid, not rigid.

Annie Dillard is right.

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Which means, of course, that to be good stewards of our lives, we must first become good stewards of our days.

In case you’re wondering, my categories were: Molly; People; Vocation; Everything Else. In that order.

What are yours?

Paris Clock Photo: Tom Pierson

Time Traveling

The further I go in life, the more I am learning to trust that timing usually works out for the best. Suddenly an appointment gets cancelled or a meeting is called at the last minute, and I realize that the timing is better than originally planned. A calendar that was too full opens up, and days that were heavy with commitments lighten up. Conversely, when space opens up on my calendar it makes the room needed for the unexpected opportunity, the urgent need, or the last minute change.

When we hold on to our time with the death-grip of control, it becomes almost impossible to encounter what life brings our way with a sense of curiosity, grace, and adventure.

Instead of controlling time, I am practicing cooperating with it. It’s actually pretty fun…most of the time.

Photo by Stanislav Kondratiev from Pexels

Deadlines

It’s true that there are real deadlines. As of April 15th our taxes must be filed or we need to request an extension. Ballots have to be dropped off or mailed by a certain time on election day. Credit card payments need to be made by the due date or interest is incurred. The football must be snapped within 40 seconds of the start of the play clock or it will result in a delay of game penalty. Some work deadlines must be met or there will be serious consequences.

It’s also true that there are imaginary deadlines. They are self imposed. We arbitrarily decide what has to be done by when as if there weren’t any other options. Earlier this week I had scheduled today as a “must prepare for some upcoming work” day. Nobody else thinks it has to be done today, and to be honest, nobody else will care when it is done as long as I’m prepared for the work by the time I do it. As it turns out, today is not the day to dive into that preparation. There are other things more pressing, and simple loose ends that once taken care of, will free up more mental, emotional, and creative space to not just prepare, but to prepare well. With the click of the mouse I moved the task out to another day on my calendar, and the pressure to just do it to get it done evaporated.

Let’s take a look at our calendars and do a fact check on our deadlines.

Are they real?

Or imaginary?

Photo by Mike from Pexels

Creating Space

Last night as we sat outside with a glass of wine and our calendars, we looked back over the last few weeks, and out over the ones ahead, and it was obvious that our days had been, and will be, filled with things that matter. What wasn’t obvious was space, and space matters too.

There were things that couldn’t be taken out, but some that could. One, in particular, stuck out as negotiable. It needed to be done. It just didn’t need to be done right now. With one click I deleted it off of my calendar, and not only did space open up in my days, but in my chest as well. My breathing slowed, my shoulders dropped, and an inner window opened wide.

It’s amazing what can happened when we build space into our days. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but like anything, it’s a habit to be cultivated. Who knew rescheduling a colonoscopy could be so good for your soul?

Pixabay

Scheduling Hope

Hope is a condition of the heart in which we live with a sense of confident expectation and anticipation. Yet with all that is on most of our plates, it can be easy to lose touch with any air of expectancy, and live instead gasping for breath due to the pressure of all that is expected of us.

Queue the calendar.

When I am mindful to use it well, my calendar becomes an instrument of hope…

A monthly video call with two dear friends and colleagues, where together we’ve created a safe place in which to engage in courageous and vulnerable thinking.

Sessions with a trainer who is helping me move from rehab of an injury to the renewal of my strength and capacity to do the things that I love.

Coaching sessions with one of my clients who is decidedly all in on our work together, and shows up fully every time we meet.

Time set aside to help our daughter and her family get ready for their move to a new house, smack dab in the middle of the holidays.

FaceTime dates with those I love.

Family coming over the river and through the woods for Christmas.

A massage, a much needed haircut, and a pedicure.

Friends for dinner, and a New Year’s Eve party.

Seattle Seahawks games that could land us in the playoffs.

A candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

As Annie Dillard says, How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives. By making sure to include in my days that which makes me come alive, I am choosing to live in a state of hopeful anticipation.

A calendar as an instrument of hope?

Who knew?