The Pinecone

Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle is all about the pinecone. When it comes to rewarding her for a job well done, food, toys, and praise don’t even come close. It captivates her attention, narrows her focus, and her body fairly trembles with anticipation when waiting for us to release her to leap for her pinecone. She pounces on it, prances with it, and plays with it until it is nothing but a scattered pile of bits. Lucky for her, and for us, there’s plenty more where the last one came from.

Leveraging her love for the cone is one of our best tools to help her become the happiest and best her she can be. It delights, enraptures, fascinates, and bewitches her, and because of that, she is willing to do the hard work we are asking of her, and her hard work is paying off. She is developing the capacity to be patient as she resists the urge to break from her assigned place. The consistency with which she responds to our commands is growing, and her connection to us as the keepers-of-the-cone is getting stronger every day.

Come to think of it, discovering what captivates our attention, what delights, enraptures, fascinates and bewitches us sounds a lot like Gracie, and is one of our best tools for becoming our happiest and best selves.

Gracie wanted me to tell you, whatever your pinecone, find time every day to pounce on it, prance with it, and play with it . She’d tell you herself, but she’s a little busy right now.

The Conversation

I am convinced that we have access to an innate inner wisdom that stands at the ready to assist us.

This past week I saw this inherent sense in action in the participants in the workshop I had the privilege of leading. Focused on the opportunities that await each of us to engage in important, meaningful, and necessary conversations, when asked if they could identify such an opportunity waiting for them, an interaction where the stakes were high and the emotions probably were too, there wasn’t one shake of the head in the room. It was all nods. To a person, everyone knew of at least one conversation waiting for them, and to a person, everyone knew that they were the one to start it.

We know the conversations waiting for us, even if, and perhaps most especially if, we are reluctant to have them. Call them courageous conversations, crucial conversations, inconvenient conversations, or fill-in-the-blank conversations, we know what they are, and why they are. We just don’t want to have them. We don’t want to have to muster the courage in the midst of our vulnerability. We don’t want to start something without knowing how it will turn out. We don’t want to enter the arena knowing we might need to be stitched back together. We don’t want to give voice to something fragile and important that might go unheard. We don’t want to show up and be the only one at the party. And yet, in spite of all of that, the conversation is still waiting for us.

It continues to be my experience that the more I am willing to engage in the conversations that matter, regardless of how scary, challenging, or difficult they may be, the deeper my connections grow. To others, to my convictions, and, to myself. .

Is there a conversation waiting for you?

Grouchy

Grouchy.

Grouchy is a feeling that sneaks up on me, and once here can’t be mistaken for any other feeling. Kind of like socks that bunch up in your shoes, a scratchy sweater, or pants that are too tight..

Grouchy usually shows up after I’ve given myself fully to things that matter, like meaningful work, a long stretch with family and friends, an important event, or supporting those I care about. All are endeavors I willingly choose, and immersing myself into those experiences make life rich and full. However, if not careful to schedule a bit of down time to breath in some quiet and exhale some intensity, grouchy slips in and makes herself at home. If I try to ignore her she settles in, and begins to invite some of her friends, like frustration, resentment, melancholy, and anger.

Grouchy will take her leave if I give her the courtesy of calling her by name, acknowledging her presence, and inviting her for a nice long walk.

Off to put on my walking shoes

Safe Spaces

We all need safe spaces for courageous thinking. 

Let’s create them for each other.

The Gift Of Feedback

Today I had the privilege of facilitating a Learning Point Group workshop on leadership. We had quite a bit of discussion about the importance of feedback - both giving it and soliciting it. As the participants were about to dive into a self-assessment of their strengths and areas for growth, I suggested that they send a text to a trusted person, requesting feedback regarding a few strengths and one area for growth. I wasn’t sure if they would actually do it. Have the courage to reach out and ask for feedback, which as we all know, can be a scary thing.  

Well - they did it. Grabbed their phones, sent out a text, heard back with information that was relevant and helpful.

They chose to be courageous.

They knew who to ask. 

They heard back from those they texted.

They  received feedback that will help them see themselves more clearly, and show up more fully.

It’s easy for me to stand in front of a room and ask others to be courageous, but what I ask of them I must also be willing to ask of myself.   

So...before sitting down to write this I sent out a text requesting the same feedback.

I chose to be courageous. 

I knew who to ask. 

I heard back from those I texted.

I received feedback that will help me see myself more clearly, and show up more fully.

Here is what I heard - verbatim:

STRENGTHS

• You are a connector - ideas, people and most beautifully exemplify how to connect to self and the power that comes from being intentional about that...I felt safe/vulnerable bc you were safe & connected with yourself.
• You are genuinely interested in and concerned about the welfare of others.
• You are young at heart...you know how to play and you do it
• You know there’s “more” and you’re not afraid to say so and make plans to get after it...for you, your work, your marriage, your kids.
• You are brave.

AREA OF GROWTH

• I don’t know if you are still deciding between “family focus” and “book focus” but it feels like you are deciding by not deciding.
• What’s it gonna be?
• Subtext: You know and I know that there is a HUGE audience for what you’ve written. If you are good “as is” that is awesome. If you are not, get moving.

Feedback is a gift.  

Who could you ask to provide you with trusted feedback that will help you see yourself more clearly and show up more fully? 

DB & AF - Thank you! 

Ready To Emerge

Sometimes an image grabs me, and I have to slam on the brakes and capture it. It was the juxtaposition of the snow covered ground and glistening branches, together with the intense light of the sun that captivated me.

Winter is coming to an end. Spring is about to begin.

The season of dormancy is over. The days of new life are about to begin. 

The months of hibernation are coming to an end. The time for new life to emerge is about to begin.

Winter is coming to an end, and spring is about to begin.  

What is ready to emerge in your life?

Whatever it is, the world is waiting for it.

Lent 2.0

The season of Lent began last Wednesday, and is a time in my tradition for self-examination and reflection, often marked by the giving up of something until Easter. I’ve engaged in this Lenten practice in past years, sometimes by giving up something I really, Really, REALLY love, like coffee, wine, and Netflix. I really, Really, REALLY hate giving up those things, which is why it’s good to do it now and then. It reminds me that there is much more to life than my comfort and enjoyment.

But truth be told, giving up an indulgence (is coffee an indulgence??) is not much of a sacrifice, and doesn’t go very far in helping me better reflect the life and teachings of the itinerant Carpenter I claim to love and follow.

Last year I gave up something a bit more meaningful - Labels. (See below) I  attempted to refrain from the easy labels many of us have grown accustomed to using. Epithets that help us neatly put others, especially those we disagree with, in clearly defined boxes. Boxes that instantly distance us from them, imply judgement, suggest that we are superior, and, only deepen the divide between us and them.

This year, that divide seems to be even deeper, so why reinvent the Lenten wheel? Once again, I’m giving up labels for Lent. Maybe you’ll join me.  After all, Lent leads up to Easter, and the hope and promise of new life. Instead of labeling one another, maybe we can start listening to each other. It seems to me that is what the Carpenter would do.

It’s time to resurrect the goodness possible in this beautiful but tragically broken country of ours. Losing our labels is a place to start. Not to mention, being able to start the day with coffee.

---

Giving Up Labels For Lent

March 13, 2017 Molly Davis

Label | noun | a classifying phrase or name applied to a person

 Label | verb | to assign to a category, especially inaccurately or restrictively

My pastor Kelly describes Lent as "40 days of journeying through the wilderness, in which people often give up things and take up practices to develop clarity of heart, and to resist the powers in our lives that separate us from God." Since I believe that we are (every single one of us) children of God, it is my view that within each one of us shines a tiny light of God's spirit. So if there are "powers in our lives that separate us from God", those same powers separate us from one another. Our separation from one another is threatening to do us in on this planet we all call home. One way that we create separation is through our habit of labeling others. Labeling is the practice of quickly categorizing another person or group into a box of our own making, a box nailed together by our often limited understanding. Labeling others is the easy way out. I know, because I do it all the time. And my guess is, you do too.

It is important to note that this it isn't just a bad habit we recently picked up. It's in our DNA, and was a part of our early survival strategy as a species, when different people groups were competing for land and resources. Survival required quickly differentiating between us and them. However, the world we live in today depends on cooperation over competition. And the labels we so freely slap on others makes that cooperation, and thus our survival, ever more precarious.

The categories, names and classifying phrases we apply to others create hairline cracks in our relationships with those we care about but who think and believe differently than we do. The categories, names and classifying phrases that we apply to others create deep chasms between whole groups of people, leading to fear and a struggle for power. Labels get us into trouble, and keep us swimming in our end of the pool, safely out of splashing range of "those" people who might rain on our political, religious, socio-economic, cultural, and world-view parade.

We label others.

Others label us. 

Conservative     Progressive     Rightwing     Liberal     Christian     Non-Christian     Evangelical     Muslim    Fundamentalist     Jewish     Catholic     Atheist     Religious     Secular      Sinner     Agnostic     Buddhist     White Collar     Blue Collar      Working Class    Upper Class     Poor     Middle Class     Heterosexual     Homosexual     Queer     Trans     Lesbian     Gay     Straight     Normal     Abnormal     Homeless     Educated     Ignorant     Academic Elite     Uneducated     Fat     Thin     Old     Young     Immigrant     Illegal      Undocumented     Guest Worker     Patriot     Protestor     American     Hero    Coward     Traitor     Deplorable     Feminist     Black     White     Native-American     Hispanic     Indian     Latino     Asian    Disabled     Able-Bodied     Mentally Ill     Pro-Life     Pro-Choice    Redneck     Right     Wrong     Good     Bad     Real     Fake     Friend     Enemy     

Us                                                                                      Them     

We are already partway through Lent, and I haven't given up anything, or taken up any new practices.  Until today. For the next 31 days I am going to give up labels, and take up the practice of calling others by their name, not their label.

At least I'm going to try. I don't know what the outcome will be or what change it might make, but I do know that labels separate us. They get in the way of connecting in a real way with real people. People who, without the label, are  probably a whole lot like us.  

Because the label never tells the whole story.

Behind the label lies the person.  

Hi. My name is Molly. What's yours?

No Regrets

We’re just back from what will likely be our last snowshoe excursion for the year. Temperatures are rising, the snow is melting, and the conditions that have made it possible to head out every morning for the past couple of weeks are fast disappearing. While I’ll miss the daily treks out across the snow, I won’t miss the regret I’d feel had I missed the chance to head out when I had it.

Snowshoeing out my back door was but one opportunity not to be missed, and it is my sense that we are surrounded by possibilities large and small waiting for us to take advantage of them. Whether the chance to repair a relationship, have a conversation, embark on an adventure, learn to play the piano, connect with a friend, capture a photo, or strap on some snowshoes and head out the door, the chance to do it is now.

Regret is a tough one, and it usually follows a missed opportunity.

Let’s not miss it.

It's You Again

Things reappear in our lives for a reason, and if we are paying attention we’ll recognize them because of their familiarity. Our awareness that whatever “it” is has shown up again, has a sense of déjà vu to it. A feeling that we’ve been here before, and hoped that we wouldn’t have to be here again. But here again we are.

What to do with what has once again arrived at our doorstep? Will we turn out the lights, hide behind the door, and pretend no one is at home? Or, will we crack the door open, invite it in to sit awhile, and listen to what it has to say? One choice leads us away from, and the other deeper into, the authentic and wholehearted life that is ours to live.

When the detritus of my life shows up once more, my first response usually includes some form of profanity, and then discouragement that I have to deal with whatever it is. Again.

Apparently there is more to discover, or it wouldn’t be here again.

There’s some unfinished business to attend to, or it wouldn’t be here again.

There’s an issue to be resolved, or it wouldn’t be here again.

More healing of a still open wound, more truth to be told, more forgiveness to be sought or extended, more stripping away of my ego, or more fears to face. Whether it is any or all of the above, there’s more work to do, or it wouldn’t be here again.

Swearing at it and wishing it would go away doesn’t seem like a skillful way to proceed. Looking it squarely in the eye and greeting it does.

Oh. It’s you again. Come on in and let’s talk. I’m all ears.

We all have some form of “it”, and what goes around will keep coming around until it has had its way with us. The next time it shows up, let’s look it squarely in the eye, and greet it.

Oh. It’s you again. Come on in and let’s talk. I’m all ears.

With gratitude once again for my spiritual director, Dane Anthony, who continues to gently invite me to practice welcoming that which shows up at my door.

Under The Weather

Like the weather, emotions are fickle. Sometimes blowing in like a winter storm, here one day and gone the next, settling in to stay like the snow piled up around our house, or like the blustery days of spring, changing by the minute. Emotions create the internal climate within which we live out each day, and like the weather outside, some days are easier to manage than others. On days when our emotions are dark and gloomy, the temptation is to imagine that the clouds will never lift. When our skies are blue, we might be inclined to take such days for granted, forgetting that another storm is on the way.

This morning my internal skies were clear, but yesterday they were gray, and my growing edge is to not take a down day too seriously. To allow it, like a storm front, to make its way across my inner landscape, and remind myself that one day does not an emotional weather pattern make.