Listening

I interrupted him three times, sure that I wasn’t interested in hearing his suggestion. With only half of his thought out, I’d already determined what he was going to say, and proceeded to shut down the conversation. What a great way to facilitate communication and deepen connection with the man I love and share my life with. Finally he stopped walking, and standing in our snow covered driveway, suggested that I wasn’t listening to him. Huh. Now there’s a thought. Keeping my mouth shut long enough for him to actually finish his sentence, it became quickly obvious that he was right. I hadn’t been listening, and if I had, would have discovered that his thought was a good one, and we were on exactly the same page.

Note to self.

Let people finish what they are saying.

IMG_3767.jpeg

The Step To Take

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don’t want to take.

David Whyte

(Excerpted from River Flow: New & Selected Poems )

Today in conversation with another coach, we were reflecting on next steps, and how to pursue what is calling us, right from where we are. In the midst of what is, how do we step closer to what could be? It is easy to get focused on the far horizon, and miss the fertile ground squarely beneath our feet. Wherever we want to go, where we are is the place to start.

Sharing a bit of silence, David Whyte’s poem, Start Close In came to mind, and I introduced the words quoted above to our conversation. Instantly a next step came to mind. One that was close in. A step that wasn’t the first choice, but the right choice.

Wherever we are, there is a next step. One that is close in, and while it may not be the one we want to take, it is the step that will lead us deeper into the life we are called to live.

What is the step you don’t want to take?

The one close in?

Take that one.

With gratitude to DC

With gratitude to DC

Just Three Things

It’s been a crazy few weeks filled with good work, people I care about, unexpected adventures, and I wouldn’t change any of it. Being present for everything and everyone has meant letting other things and people slide until today. This morning I identified three things to accomplish by the end of the day. Just three. No more, no less.

  • Organize and clear my desk.

  • Get the mental clutter out of my head and down on paper.

  • Write a blog post.

With an organized desk, an epic brain dump, and this blog completed, I’m ready for new adventures.

What three things could you accomplish that would set you free for new adventures?

IMG_5427.jpeg

Testing The Limits

No is a complete sentence.

Anne Lamott

It seems that we are wired to test the limits. To see how far we can go, discover our capabilities, and challenge ourselves. When pushing ourselves to master a new skill, learn a new language, summit a taller peak, or stay in a difficult conversation, stretching ourselves and pushing past previous boundaries is a necessary part of the growth process.

It also seems that we are wired to test the limits of boundaries not meant to be crossed. To do it our way and others be damned, pushing in where we haven’t been invited, offering unsolicited advice, or to see what we can get away with.

While It’s up to others to respect our boundaries, it is up to us to establish them.

IMG_2561.jpeg

To reflect more, check out an earlier post on boundaries:

TMI

Last week I met with my doctor to go over the results of an MRI, ordered to try and determine the cause behind a greater hearing loss in my left ear. The concern when there is a difference in hearing levels between the two ears, which are meant to work in tandem, is the presence of an Acoustic Neuroma, a non-cancerous tumor, that while slow growing, over time can cause serious problems. My doctor was quite certain that I didn’t have one, but offered me the choice to have the scan or not. Wanting the peace of mind that comes from having the necessary information, I opted for the test.

In the exam room, after a warm handshake and a little conversation about our shared love of winter sports, he got right down to it. The images confirmed his suspicion. There was no growth, and in fact nothing of concern, all of which could have been communicated via email or phone. However, apparently there were additional results from the test that someone somewhere in the medical stratosphere deemed necessary to include on the report, and without an explanation, might have sounded serious and scary.

In other words, the report suffered from TMI.

His explanation put my mind at ease, which is what we both wanted out of the MRI in the first place, and while the other results were mildly interesting, it was information that I didn’t really need, but because it was included on the report I got it anyway.

How often do we share information just because we can? Provide too many unnecessary details? Go to great lengths to explain something, instead of getting straight to the point? Use a conversation to demonstrate our knowledge rather than to deepen a connection? Disclose details that aren’t ours to share?

Information may be power, but too much of it can be hard on our hearing.

IMG_3741.jpeg


Givers Of Life

Once a month I have a video call with two individuals who are not only respected colleagues, but also dear friends. It is a call that I look forward to from the moment we end our time together until the next one rolls around. The three of us have worked together in various ways over the years, and while we value and respect one another professionally, it is the personal connection that keeps us coming back for more. Together we’ve created a safe space for courageous thinking, a shelter from our storms, and a shared home for our hearts and hurts.

Every call has a way of infusing more life into my being.

Today was supposed to be our monthly call, and as much as I look forward to it, I almost bowed out of it. After a couple of emotionally packed weeks, I simply felt like I didn’t have the capacity to show up as anything but a worn out mess, and taking anything off of my calendar sounded like a good idea. When I mentioned this to my sister who is here visiting, like any good big sister, she had a word of advice. She reminded me of how life-giving this call always is, and thankfully, like any good little sister, I listened to her.

No matter how I show up at the beginning of the call, I am always better at the end of it, and today was no exception.

The moral of the story?

Make time for life-giving connections, and listen to your big sister.

IMG_4956.jpeg

The Sweet Sound

For almost everyone I know, this week has been more than a little challenging. As in, nothing, and I mean nothing, has gone according to plan.

In the midst of all of the apples from our upset carts, the challenge has been to find one more note of grace with which to encounter our circumstances and one another. Sometimes we did it well, other times not so much, but in the end, we’ve found our way together to the other side of this week that no one expected. From plummeting temperatures to icy roads, a sudden case of the flu to babies waking up too early, cancelled appointments and long anticipated plans delayed, grace has once again won the day.

Grace…how sweet the sound.

IMG_5394 2.jpeg

Redemption

Redemption is always possible. As long as we draw breath, there remains the opportunity to turn things around, even if only in our own hearts. To do things differently. To be who we want to be in the midst of our circumstances, no matter how fraught or difficult they may be. The ball is always in our court, regardless of what happens on the other side of the net.

Redemption doesn’t always happen the way we hope it will. The other person may not seize the chance to turn things around. They may continue in their same vein, and to chart their same course. The ball is always in their court too. But what they do with it isn’t up to us.

Redemption can still happen even if we are the only ones showing up, and bringing the best of ourselves to the worst of situations. Because when all is said and done, sometimes knowing that we’ve done all we can with what we’ve got to work with is as redemptive as it gets.

Redemption is always possible. Even if we are the only ones being redeemed.

IMG_5261.jpeg