Family Reunion

Today, Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle had a brief reunion with her dad Gryffindor, and her sister Piper. The last time these three family members were together was on December 1st, and I will never forget Gracie’s first night at home. That’s because I was awake all night, as she howled and cried in her crate next to our bed until it was time to get up.

It was her first night away from the only family she had ever known, and her loneliness and pain were heard in every high pitched cry. I can’t even imagine how scary and confusing that must have been for her. The next night, Tom suggested that we move her crate into the mudroom, and that one of us sleep on the floor next to her for a few nights, as she began to adjust to her new pack,. Tom took the first night, I took the next one, and by the third night, she was ready to sleep on her own.

She was home, and we were family.

Watching her reconnect with her first family today, it was easy to see that they recognized one another immediately, as they sniffed and wagged, sniffed and wagged, and of course, sniffed some more. Looking at Gracie and Piper, I could see the similarities - the shape of their faces and their body size - and the differences - their color and the texture of their coats. Like all of us, their shared genetics and early experiences have shaped the pups that they are today, and will continue to influence who they become as they mature.

As I watched this family reunion in progress, I was reminded that there’s no getting around it, family is family. And whether we stick together like glue, or hope we never see one another again, our family is always a part of who we are. There are no perfect families, and most of ours are a mixture of the good, the bad, and the seriously ugly, and we get to choose what to do with the family we’ve got. When it comes to family, it seems that the very best we can do is to celebrate every single shred of goodness, learn and grow from the bad, and heal from and leave behind the ugly so as not to pass it on to the next generation.

Driving away from that sweet reunion, I was grateful once again for yet another lesson from our Gracie-Girl, and for the fact that we two legged types don’t have to sniff and wag in order to recognize family.

Does It Have To Hit The Fan?

Little did we know when we brought Gracie-the chocolate-labradoodle into our home, that we were getting a four-legged, curly haired spiritual master. Kind of like our own personal Yoda. But cuter.

We learn from her all the time, and simply caring for her daily needs brings profound lessons. None more so than cleaning up her daily piles out in the yard. Because we are diligent to do so, we are not left with landmines to be avoided, or more likely, stepped in. Once stepped in, there is a whole lot more work to be done in order to clean things back up so as not to bring the un-dealt with shit into our home.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a darn good metaphor for life.

In real life, sometimes we procrastinate, neglect to clean up our messes, and just wait until it all hits the fan, at which point life gets a whole lot harder, not to mention messier. The nasty smelling stuff gets thrown all over anyone within striking distance, and there is a lot of clean up to do. But like little Gracie is teaching us, it happens, and when it does, it is so much easier to pick it up and deal with it, rather than leave it to accumulate.

When it comes to Gracie, we have a practice in place, and because we have committed to the practice, it has become a habit.

See the stuff.

Deal with the stuff.

Be done with the stuff.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like another darn good metaphor for life.

See our stuff.

Deal with our stuff.

Be done with our stuff.

This, of course, isn’t a one and done deal. We will be cleaning up after ourselves for as long as we draw breath. But the stronger our commitment to the practice, the more deeply engrained the habit.

We can wait for the shit to hit the fan.

But it’s a whole lot easier to deal with if we don’t.

Old Dogs And New Tricks

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear.”

(Often attributed to The Buddha)

Gracie, our 12 week old chocolate labradoodle is turning out to be a great little teacher, and as it turns out, what works for dogs, can work for humans as well.

“What you pet, you get.”

I learned this concept from my daughter, whose two GSP/Labs are in training. So, on the one paw, if you want calm, happy behavior, you reward it when you see it. On the other paw, if your pup is whining and jumping, unless you want more of that behavior, don’t pat it on the head. Turn your back and simply ignore it. Over time, they will learn to let go of what is ignored, and hang on to what brings the reward.

Our brain often behaves like an unruly little puppy. Our anxious thoughts, old stories, and toxic self-talk show up, nipping at our heels, but rather than turn our backs on them, we often reward them with our attention. Racing around our brains, they proceed to chew up all of the energy we could be using to take positive steps, leaving us weary, discouraged, and stuck. The brain will always gravitate to what is familiar, and the more we focus on those negative messages, the more they sink their teeth into our psyche.

What if we trained our brain the way we train a puppy?

The next time one of those old stories shows up, what if we turned our back on it? Pretended it was a canine looking to us for guidance, ignored that toxic thought, and rewarded ourselves by offering a new story. One that would free us from our self-imposed kennel. Over time, we might learn to let go of what is ignored, and hang on to what brings the reward.

Whoever said an old dog can’t learn new tricks?