Spring Pruning

I almost forgot to cut the ferns back. It is a task that can be done in late winter or early spring, it doesn’t matter. It just matters that you do it.  

Pruning away the old, brown fronds improves the appearance of the plant, increases the air flow to prevent mold, and allows new fronds to emerge. It only took about 30 minutes to complete the job, and the new fronds, now visible, were curled up tight as little fists. The very next day, those little fists began to uncurl into new vibrant green leaves. 

Like a fern, for us to flourish the old needs to be trimmed away in order for new growth to emerge.

But You Can't Hide

It is so easy to look for an escape hatch.

We move on from one situation in the hopes of leaving our troubles behind, only to find that they have followed us into the new one.

We head for the greener grass on the other side of the fence, only to discover we haven’t yet learned how to feed and water our own lawn.

We pack up and find a new home, only to be greeted at the door by the same life we had before.

We end one relationship in search of a better one, and find the same partner wearing a different face.

At one time or another all of us find ourselves in need of a fresh start, and crossing the finish line of our current race is the only to get there.

No matter how fast or far we run, whatever we choose to ignore comes with us wherever we go.

Seize The Day

Some days I’m struck with the fragile nature of life. Today is one of those.

Lives hang in the balance. Medical treatments fail to turn the tide. Wounds that could have been healed are not. Relationships that could have been knit back together become unraveled. Forgiveness that could have been extended is withheld. Words that could have been spoken remain silent.

We never know for sure if tomorrow will come, much less what it will bring.

Life is here.

Life is now.

Carpe diem.

A Mother's Day

Nobody tells you how hard it is going to be. That a mother’s day requires everything you have to give, and a lot of what you don’t. That the needs of others can drown out your own, and that in watching out for your children, you can easily lose sight of yourself

Don’t do that.

One of the most important gifts we can give to our children, no matter what stage in life, is a mom who loves and cares for herself. A tall order no matter how you cut it. At the beginning, learning to care for ourselves feels like a radical act, kind of like staging our own revolution. But no meaningful change throughout history has happened without a lot of rabble-rousers tiring of the status quo. To change the course of our own histories is no different. We have to become rebels for our own cause, knowing that it will ruffle a lot of feathers, including our own. Meeting our own needs often collides with those of others, and it is uncomfortable for everyone as we begin to care for ourselves in new ways.

Sometimes all we can eke out is a dropper full of self-care. Ten quiet minutes alone, a walk around the block, a hot shower, or heating up leftovers, again. Managing a whole pitcher of care can be hard to come by, but to live with our glass half full means refilling it whenever and however we can. Being able to step back and catch our breath will mean that someone else will have to step up. Let them.

Self-care means discovering what we need in order to show up for what life requires. It is about equipping ourselves well so that we are well equipped for the life we have, including loving and caring for our children.

It’s not about being self-centered.

It’s about living from a centered self.

The Garage—A Retrospective

Earlier this year we began talking about all the building and home improvement projects we are excited to take on: a bunkhouse above the garage, a bucket list shop for Tom, a new lawn, an in-ground sprinkler system, an outdoor shower, a garden, an outdoor meditation space, and a full-size labyrinth, just to name a few.

Every one of those projects sounded fun, creative, and exciting. However, none of those could happen until we cleaned out the garage, which didn’t sound fun, creative, or exciting.

As of 6 days ago, it was filled to the rafters with things we’ve accumulated over the past 25 years as we’ve moved most of the contents from one garage, basement, extra bedroom, or storage unit to another.

Today, it isn’t.

Looking back over a week (that actually turned out to be fun, creative, and exciting) here are a few things that are worth noting…

Starting matters.

The first step is always the hardest, so get it over with and get moving.

Momentum matters.

Once in motion, keep going.

Finishing matters.

When tempted to stop, don’t.

This morning we torched off the burn pile, made up of pine branches, and, an accumulation of the flotsam and jetsam that did nothing but weigh us down and wear us out.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

With gratitude to Bob and Margie. We couldn’t have done it without you.

The Garage Day 6

One day this week my husband Tom and brother-in-law Bob loaded up two mattress sets and headed out to drop them off at an establishment that makes household goods, furniture, and clothing items available to the community. The mattresses were clean and in reasonably good shape, and according to the woman I spoke with on the phone, they would take them. However, when the guys got there, as it turned out, they wouldn’t, which left only one option—adding them to an already overflowing landfill.

Just about then a nearby volunteer walked up and quietly asked if she might be able to have them. She was a single mom who had recently moved here, and neither she nor her young daughter had a bed to crawl into at night. Long story short, Tom and Bob followed her to her apartment, carried the mattresses upstairs, along with a beautiful antique headboard and good bedding for both beds. And just like that, she and her daughter had a comfortable place to lay their heads.

If we keep our eyes open there are hidden treasures to be found along the way, even amidst the trash.

The Garage Day 5

On this 5th day of the garage cleaning project, new space continues to emerge.

Whether talking about our time, our tasks, our minds, or our souls, uncluttered space makes room for us to breathe.

This is what came out of the garage…

This is what is going back in…

The thing with unoccupied space is that it has a tendency to get filled up again.

As it turns out, cleaning the garage isn’t the beginning of the end.

It’s really just the end of the beginning.

The Garage Day 4

At first you think you’re done.

And then you're not.

Because it feels so good to get some momentum going and like you’re making great progress, which you probably are, it can be tempting to think the job is done.

Because it feels so good to have accomplished so much, it is tempting to call it good, and leave the remaining boxes, bins, nooks, and crannies for another day.

We aren’t doing that, and the sifting, sorting, and tossing continues.

When tackling a project like the garage, or an inner life for that matter, as it says on one of our daughter’s favorite coffee mugs—There is no secret. Keep going.



The Garage Day 3

This is how we did it.

Pull everything out.

Assess each item.

Ask if the item under consideration brings us joy.

If it doesn’t, it gets passed on, thrown away, or taken to one of several agencies that take donations so that those with limited resources can have access to useful items. It became an exercise in what to keep rather than what to toss, and by using joy as the barometer, we kept less, tossed more, and made room for more joy..

For those things still under debate, ask why we are keeping it, and if we didn’t what might it make space for, which might simply be actual space that doesn’t get filled by anything. What a concept.

One of the items I’ve kept for years is a cardboard box that held our Christmas stockings when I was growing up. Somehow I ended up with it, and kept the Christmas stockings for my family in it, until I realized that out in the country a cardboard box is the perfect place for a mouse to build a nest. So, the stockings went into a tupperware bin, but I still held onto the cardboard box that held nothing but memories. It has my mom’s handwriting on it, and somehow every year it gave me joy to look at that empty cardboard box. Today I realized that while it had once brought me joy, now it is just the memory of that joy, and I was ready to let it go.

Keep less.

Toss more.

More room for joy.

With gratitude for Lizzy for reminding us to only keep what brings us joy.

The Garage Day 2

When it comes to cleaning, clearing, and organizing a garage, like many things in life, it’s different strokes for different folks. I’m a tosser, he’s a saver, and with those two facts in play, as you can imagine, this project could stir up a little emotional stuff for the two of us. However, if we’ve learned anything in our 25 years together, it is that while we couldn’t be much more different, our commitment to one another is the same. So this morning, before setting one foot in the garage, we sat down with our coffee, and along with my sister and her husband who are here to help, had a conversation about what we wanted to be true at the end of this daunting project. Yes, by the end of the week we want to have made major progress. Yes, by the end of the week we want to have hauled away as many truck loads as possible. Yes, by the end of the week we want to have created a much more organized and clean space in which to start using the garage for the purpose it was originally built. And, yes, and most importantly, by the end of the week the four of us want to have all laughed together, had fun together, and be even more grateful for one another.

When it comes to cleaning, clearing, and organizing a garage, like many things in life, the project isn’t the real project. What matters in the end is how we conducted ourselves in the midst of the project. What matters in the end is how we related to one another in the midst of the project. What matters in the end is whether or not we are better people, both individually and collectively, because of the project. That can only happen when we realize that the project isn’t the real project. It is just a vehicle to become even more of the authentic and wholehearted people we are called to be.

Stay tuned.