Let's Do It

Last evening I met with a fellow coach for a glass of wine. We don’t know one another well, and while she is at the beginning of her coaching work and I am further down the trail, we share a commitment to helping and supporting others find their way forward. Wanting to know more about my experience, she asked me to describe the work I love to do. Here’s what I told her…

I love to help others step more fully into their own lives and find their way to a life that is authentic, wholehearted, and utilizes their gifts and strengths in service to others. Whether working with a coaching client, leading a retreat, or speaking to an audience, I share some form of the same message—we are all called to help, heal, and love the world that is within our reach in ways that are uniquely ours. Whether that is as a dog trainer, artist, school custodian, greeter at Costco, football coach, volunteer firefighter, campground host, restaurant manager, pastor, yoga teacher, musician, stay-at-home parent, gas station attendant, retiree, logger, brain surgeon, production line worker, or politician, when we truly connect who we meant to be at our core with how we live out in the world, we touch the world in ways that no one else can.

Her question gets to the heart of the matter. What is the work you love to do? Even if you aren’t currently doing it, or maybe never have, what is the contribution you want to make while still on the planet?

If you don’t do it, it won’t get done.

If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.

If we don’t do it, it won’t get done.

Let’s do it!

The Story vs The Real Scoop

A couple of days ago my husband Tom and I sat down with our calendars to make sure we were on the same page, knew who was doing what when, and make any needed adjustments. Noticing that he was going to be gone for a couple of days, I made a request. Rather than leaving late in the morning as he was planning to do, would be willing to leave several hours earlier, giving me a little more of some much needed time to myself. Could that work for him?

In the past I’ve not always asked in what you might call a gracious manner, which as you might suspect, made him feel a little less than welcome in his own home. Thankfully, I’m finally learning to make my requests in a more loving and respectful way. After thinking about it, he said that he could, and in fact, doing so would give him time to make a much needed run to the dump with the garbage and recycling. It sounded to me like we were on the same page, and that we had a plan that met both of our needs. I walked away from our calendaring session feeling great about our interchange, and looking forward to a couple of days with the house to myself. As much as I love the people I love, including Tom, when I don’t have time away from them, including Tom, I’m not much good to anyone, including Tom, or myself for that matter. As far as I was concerned, things were, as they say, all good.

Until this morning when it was time for him to leave town.

Coming back from a morning walk with Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle, already feeling my inner space opening up, Tom was just finishing loading the back of the red pickup with the recycling, and he didn’t appear to be the happiest of campers. Checking in with him, he wasn’t. He didn’t like the feeling of being asked to leave as soon as possible. That was news to me. The story as I saw it, was that we were both good with our plan, but now that we were in the midst of it, the real scoop was that he wasn’t good with it.

At that point things could have gone from bad to worse, but rather than get defensive, my usual go-to-strategy, I worked to listen without judgement and let him say more. We both stayed in the conversation, and by the time he drove out of the driveway we both felt heard. Because we both felt heard, we also felt connected. Because we felt connected, we now have good fodder for further conversation and better communication going forward.

The moral of the story?

The story isn’t always the real scoop.

Bearing Witness

“the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another…”

David Whyte - Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and the Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words

Once a month I have the privilege of sharing time with two dear friends. We live in different cities and so use a video conferencing platform, which is usually as close as we can come to sitting on a porch somewhere together. We began as colleagues, ended up as friends, and the only real agenda of our monthly shared space is to show up together in whatever state we find ourselves. Today, as I shared some of my story as it looks right now, they listened deeply as they always do, and when I was done speaking, there was a lingering shared silence that communicated more than words could ever say. More words weren’t needed.

In bearing witness they had provided what mattered most.

To be seen.

Take It To The Bank

In an interest bearing account, interest is accrued over time. The sooner one begins putting money in, the more they put in, and the longer they leave it there, the more interest will accumulate, thus increasing the value of that account.

It isn’t a stretch to say that the same is true when it comes to investing in our own emotional health and wellbeing. The sooner we get to it, the more we put into it, and the longer we keep at it, the more we stand to gain, and we aren’t the only ones who will benefit from our efforts. All those with whom we are in relationship stand to reap the rewards as well. The sooner we get started, the less others will have to pay for our mistakes. The sooner we take ourselves on, the less likely we are to take our stuff out on others. Especially on those who matter the most.

Just as there are a variety of financial investment tools and strategies from which to choose, there are different options and strategies available to help us grow and thrive emotionally. It all starts with a commitment to do the work. To invest. To fund. To understand. To keep at it. To educate ourselves. To seek professional help. To sacrifice now for long term gain.

It all boils down to this…

When it comes to financial health, either we choose to invest or not.

When it comes to emotional health, either we choose to invest or not.

When we do, it’s always pays off.

You can take that to the bank.

Being A Better Human Being

Every day there are so many opportunities to practice being a better human being. Or at least there are for me. Most of the time those opportunities come in the form of other human beings. Take today for instance. Thanks to my interactions with others, I’ve had the chance to apologize, circle back, gain clarity, have a go at a better conversation, listen more deeply, bear witness to pain, express appreciation, catch myself before really making a mess of things, not catch myself and have to clean up the mess, and last but not least, have a good laugh at myself for how far I still have to go.

Such life lessons don’t happen in a vacuum. They only happen when we are in relationship with others. Sometimes those others push our buttons, and bingo, there is another chance to practice being a better human being. Other times we push their buttons, and bingo. Another chance to practice being a better human being. When they hold up a mirror for us to see when we aren’t being a better human being, bingo… I think you catch my drift.

As we all know, or should know by now, when things are good, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. When things go bad, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. And of course, when things get ugly, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. One thing I know for sure is that I want to help tip the scales for the good, rather than the bad or the ugly. Lucky for me, every day is filled with new opportunities to practice.

Connected

As we walked past this aspen grove in our local wildlife refuge this afternoon, my husband reminded me that this grouping is all one organism. Connected to one another under ground, each tree is a sprout of the original tree. They are all connected.

All connected.

All.

Connected.

The trees know this in the way living things in nature know such things.

As are these trees, so are we.

We however, seem to have forgotten.

What befalls one of us befalls all of us, because we are all connected.

What benefits one of us benefits all of us, because we are all connected.

What heals one of us heals all of us, because we are all connected.

What harms one of us harms all of us, because we are all connected.

It’s time to remember what we’ve forgotten.

We are all connected.

Photo: Tom Pierson

The Roof Over Our Heads

A few years ago we put a new roof on our garage. The day before laying the shingles I noticed that the roofing underlayment material, meant to protect the structure from weather damage, was covered with the word GRACE. Every square foot of roof was covered from one side to the other with grace, grace, and more grace. Once the shingles were in place, even though I couldn’t see it, every square foot of roof was still covered with grace, grace, and more grace.

I don’t know where I’d be without grace, or where anyone would be without it for that matter. We don’t have to earn it, learn it, buy it, or try it. It’s just ours for the taking, and ours for the giving, and as far as I’m concerned, it covers everyone and everything, no exception. Like that roof, whether we can see it or not, our lives are covered with grace, grace, and more grace.

On this Easter morning, which in my faith tradition is a really, really, really big deal, may you know that you are covered with grace, grace, and more grace.

Life Finds A Way

“Life, uh, finds a way.”

Dr. Ian Malcom-Jurassic Park

As evening draws near on Good Friday, I am reminded that there is something about the life force that will not be denied. In the end, life has the last word.

In the Atacama Desert, life finds a way.

In the crevice of a rock, life finds a way.

In a crack in the sidewalk, life finds a way.

In a broken heart, life finds a way.

In a forest destroyed by fire, life finds a way.

And, in a tomb about 2000 years ago, life found a way.

I Can Just Imagine

My catch phrase when I don’t have all the information and am trying to fill in the blanks is I can just imagine… I then go on to finish the sentence with some less than positive outlook on whatever or whoever is is the object of my anticipation. As in:

I can just imagine that so and so is frustrated with me.

I can just imagine that it is going to be a hard conversation.

I can just imagine it’s going to take a long time to resolve the issue.

I can just imagine that it’s my fault.

The problem with I can just imagine… is that most of the time what I’ve imagined is the opposite of what is true.

Anticipation is an interesting act. It can be the expectancy that something good, exciting, positive, or enjoyable is on the way. On the other hand, it can be the outlook that something bad, hard, negative or painful is just around the bend. When I am able catch myself in the act of the latter, I have a better chance of practicing the former. Imagine that.

Light

 “And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good..”

Genesis 1:3,4

I spent several hours at a lightning specialty store today helping my sister made decisions for their home currently under construction, and it was illuminating on so many levels. 

Light makes visible.

Light exposes darkness.

Light illuminates beauty.

Light discloses truth. 

Light eases work.

Light provides security.

Light invites exploration. 

Light ignites imagination. 

Let there be light.