Bearing Witness

“the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another…”

David Whyte - Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and the Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words

Once a month I have the privilege of sharing time with two dear friends. We live in different cities and so use a video conferencing platform, which is usually as close as we can come to sitting on a porch somewhere together. We began as colleagues, ended up as friends, and the only real agenda of our monthly shared space is to show up together in whatever state we find ourselves. Today, as I shared some of my story as it looks right now, they listened deeply as they always do, and when I was done speaking, there was a lingering shared silence that communicated more than words could ever say. More words weren’t needed.

In bearing witness they had provided what mattered most.

To be seen.

Take It To The Bank

In an interest bearing account, interest is accrued over time. The sooner one begins putting money in, the more they put in, and the longer they leave it there, the more interest will accumulate, thus increasing the value of that account.

It isn’t a stretch to say that the same is true when it comes to investing in our own emotional health and wellbeing. The sooner we get to it, the more we put into it, and the longer we keep at it, the more we stand to gain, and we aren’t the only ones who will benefit from our efforts. All those with whom we are in relationship stand to reap the rewards as well. The sooner we get started, the less others will have to pay for our mistakes. The sooner we take ourselves on, the less likely we are to take our stuff out on others. Especially on those who matter the most.

Just as there are a variety of financial investment tools and strategies from which to choose, there are different options and strategies available to help us grow and thrive emotionally. It all starts with a commitment to do the work. To invest. To fund. To understand. To keep at it. To educate ourselves. To seek professional help. To sacrifice now for long term gain.

It all boils down to this…

When it comes to financial health, either we choose to invest or not.

When it comes to emotional health, either we choose to invest or not.

When we do, it’s always pays off.

You can take that to the bank.

Being A Better Human Being

Every day there are so many opportunities to practice being a better human being. Or at least there are for me. Most of the time those opportunities come in the form of other human beings. Take today for instance. Thanks to my interactions with others, I’ve had the chance to apologize, circle back, gain clarity, have a go at a better conversation, listen more deeply, bear witness to pain, express appreciation, catch myself before really making a mess of things, not catch myself and have to clean up the mess, and last but not least, have a good laugh at myself for how far I still have to go.

Such life lessons don’t happen in a vacuum. They only happen when we are in relationship with others. Sometimes those others push our buttons, and bingo, there is another chance to practice being a better human being. Other times we push their buttons, and bingo. Another chance to practice being a better human being. When they hold up a mirror for us to see when we aren’t being a better human being, bingo… I think you catch my drift.

As we all know, or should know by now, when things are good, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. When things go bad, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. And of course, when things get ugly, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. One thing I know for sure is that I want to help tip the scales for the good, rather than the bad or the ugly. Lucky for me, every day is filled with new opportunities to practice.

Connected

As we walked past this aspen grove in our local wildlife refuge this afternoon, my husband reminded me that this grouping is all one organism. Connected to one another under ground, each tree is a sprout of the original tree. They are all connected.

All connected.

All.

Connected.

The trees know this in the way living things in nature know such things.

As are these trees, so are we.

We however, seem to have forgotten.

What befalls one of us befalls all of us, because we are all connected.

What benefits one of us benefits all of us, because we are all connected.

What heals one of us heals all of us, because we are all connected.

What harms one of us harms all of us, because we are all connected.

It’s time to remember what we’ve forgotten.

We are all connected.

Photo: Tom Pierson

The Roof Over Our Heads

A few years ago we put a new roof on our garage. The day before laying the shingles I noticed that the roofing underlayment material, meant to protect the structure from weather damage, was covered with the word GRACE. Every square foot of roof was covered from one side to the other with grace, grace, and more grace. Once the shingles were in place, even though I couldn’t see it, every square foot of roof was still covered with grace, grace, and more grace.

I don’t know where I’d be without grace, or where anyone would be without it for that matter. We don’t have to earn it, learn it, buy it, or try it. It’s just ours for the taking, and ours for the giving, and as far as I’m concerned, it covers everyone and everything, no exception. Like that roof, whether we can see it or not, our lives are covered with grace, grace, and more grace.

On this Easter morning, which in my faith tradition is a really, really, really big deal, may you know that you are covered with grace, grace, and more grace.

Life Finds A Way

“Life, uh, finds a way.”

Dr. Ian Malcom-Jurassic Park

As evening draws near on Good Friday, I am reminded that there is something about the life force that will not be denied. In the end, life has the last word.

In the Atacama Desert, life finds a way.

In the crevice of a rock, life finds a way.

In a crack in the sidewalk, life finds a way.

In a broken heart, life finds a way.

In a forest destroyed by fire, life finds a way.

And, in a tomb about 2000 years ago, life found a way.

I Can Just Imagine

My catch phrase when I don’t have all the information and am trying to fill in the blanks is I can just imagine… I then go on to finish the sentence with some less than positive outlook on whatever or whoever is is the object of my anticipation. As in:

I can just imagine that so and so is frustrated with me.

I can just imagine that it is going to be a hard conversation.

I can just imagine it’s going to take a long time to resolve the issue.

I can just imagine that it’s my fault.

The problem with I can just imagine… is that most of the time what I’ve imagined is the opposite of what is true.

Anticipation is an interesting act. It can be the expectancy that something good, exciting, positive, or enjoyable is on the way. On the other hand, it can be the outlook that something bad, hard, negative or painful is just around the bend. When I am able catch myself in the act of the latter, I have a better chance of practicing the former. Imagine that.

Light

 “And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good..”

Genesis 1:3,4

I spent several hours at a lightning specialty store today helping my sister made decisions for their home currently under construction, and it was illuminating on so many levels. 

Light makes visible.

Light exposes darkness.

Light illuminates beauty.

Light discloses truth. 

Light eases work.

Light provides security.

Light invites exploration. 

Light ignites imagination. 

Let there be light.

Another Star Is Born

Clare Elizabeth Pierson Miller was 12 years old when we came into one another’s lives. Little did I know that answering a personals ad would lead me not only to the man I would fall in love and share life with, but to this beautiful daughter I am now blessed to call one of my own. 

One of the first things I came see in Clare from the very beginning was her ability to weave together the threads of her life into a tapestry all her own. Outwardly this meant that she knew how to create a space for herself that brought order in the midst of any chaos, peace to her heart in the midst of whatever life brought her way, and beauty in the midst of her world wherever she found herself. Her gift of combining form and function results in a home, a wardrobe, and a life that is at once simple and elegant, practical and purposeful.  

When it comes to weaving together the inner fabric of her life, she’s had more practice than many. Given life by one set of parents, raised by another, and sheltered by yet more of us lucky enough to come into her life over the years, she has found a way to knit together both the love and the loss into a life that is authentic and wholehearted. The more she cares about you, the more she will both fight for you and fight with you, because of how much you matter to her.

She loves living large, but hates small things in big numbers, can shuffle and deal cards faster than the most experienced Vegas dealer, but is always the last one to shuffle to the car when it’s time to leave the house, and like me, knows for sure that she is right, especially when she is wrong. 

As a mom I never thought I’d give thanks for Tinder, but when she swiped right for Scott, did she ever get it right. They are a perfect match in the midst of their differences, and they are weaving together a life that will take them to the far corners of the earth and yet never far from home. Motherhood is one of her callings, and she is already perfecting the art of calling out the best in her young son, and calling him out when his one year old self tries to cry his way into some sort of silly shenanigans.

Her innate curiosity leads her way, and invites her to live on an always growing edge of what she knows and what she does not. If she had her own cooking show, which would of course be wildly successful, it might be called I Have No Idea What I’m Doing...Let’s cook. 

Her faith is her own. She knows who she is and what she stands for, and God help anyone who stands between her and those she loves. 

She calls me M2, and if we weren’t connected as family, I know we would have found our way to one another as dear friends. 

Many happy returns Daughter Clare.

Our world and my heart are better because of you. 

The Architect’s Daughter

She knew how to bring out the best in him. Often exacting and distant as a dad in his earlier years, whenever he had the chance to spend time with this daughter of his, all of that seemed to melt away. She had a way of coaxing the boy, who never got to be a boy when he was a boy, to come out and play. Nothing made them happier than playing with materials that others saw as trash and transforming them into treasures. Together, heads bent over a drawing of some dreamed of project, their shared gift of exquisitely combining form and function came alive. A mistake that would once have brought his criticism and a list of what went wrong, became a chance to spend more time to together, covered in dust, figuring out how to get it right.  

The daughter loved the architect for who he was, and extended grace for who he was not, and the architect loved his daughter in all the ways in which he could, never fully understanding the ways in which he could not. In the end, she will remember her love for him, and his for her, as an imperfect thing of beauty and a joy forever.

 With deep gratitude to the architect for the gift of his daughter.