Self-Centering

A week at a health spa is unquestionably a privileged opportunity to engage in some serious self-care, and a privilege that should never, ever...as in never, ever, be taken for granted. Yet what I’ve found to be true among those who have the resources to have such a week, and those who never will, is a deep feeling that any form of self-care is selfish. That anytime we indulge in putting ourselves first, we are acting in a self-centered way, and none of us wants to be seen as someone who does that. 

I’ve come to see it differently.

All of us are here to serve others, and to be served. To give of ourselves, and to receive from others. To love, help, and heal the world and those within our reach, and to be loved, helped, and healed by those who reach out to us. Learning to care well for ourselves is what equips us to care well for others.  

I guess the simplest way to sum it up is that when we practice loving self-care, rather than being self-centered, we are able to operate from a centered self.

The Storm

Overnight a storm blew in.

Yesterday, it was sunny and breezy, with blue skies. Today, it is all rain, wind, and low clouds.

Yesterday, everyone was outside and active. Today, everyone is inside and still.

So much happens in the midst of a storm. Blossoms blow off trees preparing the way for new leaves, rain nourishes the thirsty earth, and the air is cleared.

What happens in nature is a picture of what is meant to occur in our own heart and soul.

When the storm blows in, allow it to do its work. 

From Here To There

The trail from here to there always starts with the ground upon which we stand. Sometimes it is the distance that seems insurmountable, and other times the chasm to be crossed appears so deep we can’t imagine finding our way across.

Either way, the only possibility of making our way there begins with our next step.

Onward. 

Together.

Our Own Pace

The Coyote Trail hike left this morning at 6:15. My favorite hike here at the Ranch, and one of the more challenging ones, this morning I was one of about 15 hikers heading out as the sun began to make its way up above the horizon.

About three miles into the hike it felt like I had the entire mountain all to myself. No sight of those ahead of me who were hiking at a faster clip, and no one dogging my steps from behind.

Just me, the mountain, and the heart stopping beauty of her bolder strewn landscape.

Time to think.

Time to reflect.

Time to wonder.

Time to give thanks. 

And, time to listen. 

That is what can happen when we find our own pace. 

Giving in to my ego and trying to keep up with those going faster, or slowing down so as not to leave others behind, would have robbed me of the solitude and silence I so crave. Either would have opened the door to disappointment and resentment. 

Because she had me all to herself, I could hear her as she whispered...

Find your own pace.

I am going to try and remember that. 

Being Brave

As I write this today at Rancho La Puerta, our first workshop has finished and I am once again reminded of the courage we are asking people to find in order to answer the questions we pose. Anytime we choose to listen to our inner wisdom, we are entering territory that is both sacred and scary, standing on ground that feels both holy and shaky. As Brene Brown reminds us, any act of courage can only happen when we are also willing to be vulnerable. That is what I witnessed again today as those in our workshop listened generously to themselves, trusted what they heard, and found their way to possible next right steps. While bringing the time together to a close, I shared a story from  my last trip here this past July when my 33 year old daughter Lauren joined me.

During the week she not only enjoyed the beauty of this place and some wonderful spa treatments, she also attended my workshops. It was obvious watching her, that she had decided to show up fully for herself and go all in. She listened to her voice and captured what she heard. The night after that first workshop, I returned to our villa to find her happily reading in bed. Mom, you have my journal from the workshop in your pack pack, right? Wrong. Digging through everything in there, twice, there was no journal to be found. Standing in her doorway, I watched as her face crumpled into tears as she realized that the words she had bravely written, but that were for her eyes only, had been lost somewhere in the Ranch. She felt exposed and betrayed, as she pulled the covers over her head and said, I get brave and choose to write about really fragile and private things that I’ve been too afraid to think about till now, and look what happens. 

It was suddenly clear to me what we needed to do. I firmly told her to get up, get dressed, and come with me. Resistant for a minute, she chose to trust me and we were soon walking through the darkness back to the room where the workshop had been held. A Ranch employee was cleaning up the room, and I asked if we could look through the box of unused journals that had been picked up after my session. Lauren began to sort through the stack, pretty certain hers wouldn’t be there. And then her hands landed on the one that was hers. Gripping it to her heart, we started back to our room, and walked in silence for awhile, as her relief settled in.

Remember, I said, whenever we are brave enough to take action on our own behalf, to do the hard work of becoming our most authentic self, and to step more fully into our own lives, we are supported by unseen forces. And when you find yourself afraid in the future, and you will, you will always have the memory of tonight to remind you that you are not alone.

Onward.

Together. 

Todays post shared with gratitude for the permission to tell her story, and her courage to always show up.

Remember

The Ranch is a reminder to trust the wisdom held deep within our bodies. 

Remember who you were before the world told you who you were supposed to be. 

Remember who you are and what you stand for, and never apologize for being true to yourself. 

Remember to trust the voice within. 

Remember to hold on to yourself. 

Remember to care well for yourself. 

Remember your strength. 

Remember that you are never alone. 

Why We Are Here.

Arriving at Rancho La Puerta this afternoon, it was time to check into our room. We are here as presenters, talking about the Matters That Matter, helping people consider how to live in a way that reflects what they care about. After Kristine and I pointed out luggage from that of the other guests, Marcos, a Ranch employee, loaded our bags onto a cart, and together, the three of us wound our way to Sol 13, our beautiful villa overlooking Mt. Kuchuma. As we walked, we asked him about his experience working for the Ranch, and life in general. That’s when it happened. The magic of connection, and a chance to see the goodness that every human heart is meant to hold.

Born in Los Angeles, he and his family moved back down to Tecate, but he returned to the states for the better part of his education. Armed with a degree focused on community education, he decided to return to Tecate, and work to make a difference in this town that he loves by opening a Community Center. It welcomes all ages, and enriches the lives of all who gather there.

The joy and sense of purpose that came through as Marcos described the center and the people who come there was palpable. His passion for what he is doing is clearly contagious, and others in his family have joined him in this work.

He shared with us that there are those around him that ask him why he returned to Tecate, when he could easily live in the US, make more money, and own a a brand new big truck. Clearly, those are not what drive him. He is driven by a deep sense that he is here to make a difference for the good in the world that is within his reach, and his 21 year old pickup gets him from here to there just fine.

As we arrived at our room, he simply said, “I may not be able to change the whole world, but I can make a difference in the world around me. Isn’t that why we are all here? ” 

Yes, it is.

Lessons From The Ranch

As I write this, I am anticipating getting on an airplane tomorrow, along with my best friend Kristine, and heading for one of my favorite places on earth, Rancho La Puerta, a destination fitness and spa retreat. We are going as presenters, and throughout the week will work to create a safe space for some courageous thinking for any guests who choose to join us. Our theme is Matters That Matter: At The Trailhead. The intent of our work there is to allow people the time and space to consider where life might be calling them from the trailhead that is their life, and how they can best respond to that invitation. 

It is good work, and a privilege to be asked to return, joining an incredible cohort of presenters from around the world. But what is an even greater privilege is the opportunity to learn right along with those in our audience. The questions we ask them to consider call upon them to be both brave and vulnerable all in the same moment, and if we are going to ask it of them, we must ask it of ourselves as well. So while we are there as teachers, we are also there as fellow learners. 

I never know what I am going to discover when there, but I am certain of one thing; after many trips to this sacred place there are always lessons for me to learn, and I’m looking forward to sharing them with you throughout the week.

Why You're Here

What wants to come into the world through you?

What is waiting to emerge?

What wants to be born through your life?

Whatever it is, that’s why you’re here.

Only Say It ONCE

Lately it seems my best teachers are small humans younger than three years of age, four-legged pups, and expert dog trainers.  

As we work to help Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle become her best and happiest doggie self, we are leaning on the wisdom of one Matt Luchinger, owner and trainer extraordinaire of NWB Dogs (North West Balanced Dog Training). He has a basic principle that not only applies to dogs, but could help us become our best and happiest human selves too...

Only say it ONCE.

When working with Gracie, and teaching her to respond to our commands, Matt is very clear on ONE point. Only say the command ONE time. For example, if asking her to “Sit”, we are to say the command word once, and then wait for her to respond by, well, sitting. There are several steps leading up to helping her recognize the word, and what is expected of her, but once it is clear that she understands what we are asking of her (which she does), when we repeat the word multiple times, we are training her that we don’t really mean what we say. That she can take her own sweet time and sit when she is good and ready. Not what we are after. Allowing her to ignore our request is setting her up for behaviorial issues, and potential risk of harm down the road. If that happens, Gracie is not the one responsible. That outcome lies squarely at our feet. We are the ones who have trained her not to take us seriously by giving her a mixed message, and if we could read her little doggie thought bubble, it would probably say, “Do they really mean it or not?” 

The same can be said in our human interactions and relationships. When we develop the skills to say what we mean, and demonstrate that we mean what we say, everyone will be better served. When we have to repeat ourselves multiple times in order for get people to take us seriously, it might not be on them. Maybe we’ve been giving them a mixed message, and if we could read their little thought bubble, it would probably say “Do they really mean it, or not?”