Sabbath

“Sabbath is more than the absence of work; it is not just a day off, when we catch up on television or errands. It is the presence of something that arises when we consecrate a period of time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, or true. It is time consecrated with our attention, our mindfulness, honoring those quiet forces of grace or spirit that sustain and heal us.”

Wayne Muller, Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives

Today, may we turn our attention to the quiet forces that sustain and heal us.

Letting The Dust Settle

At the end of an especially intense week full of emotional ups and downs, I am reminded of the importance of letting the dust settle.

After any time of intense emotional turmoil, difficult conversations, and unresolved issues, if you are like me, it is tempting to just keep stirring up the emotional dust. To become our own little swirling dust devils spinning out of control, negatively impacting all within our path.

We would be better served, as would those around us, to give ourselves time to sift through the dust and uncover our true feelings, suss out what lies at the heart of the issue, and wrap our minds around what’s really going on.

Only when the dust has settled, can clearer heads prevail.

The Question Of Help

Most people genuinely want to help others. We love to lend a hand, step in and provide assistance, give support, and do what we can to ease the burdens of others. Not just nice lyrics in a classic song, we really do get by better with a little help from our friends - and family - and sometimes complete strangers for that matter.

However.

There can be a fine line between helping and hindering. When we are too quick to step in and help, we risk hindering someone’s chance to step up. When we automatically react to someone’s hardship, there is a good chance they won’t reflect on what’s actually necessary to address the underlying need.

Sometimes helping out means holding back.

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Not So Quick

Speed of progress is often the measure by which we gauge success. How quickly can we accomplish, produce, create, finish, or achieve the desired results? While there’s no disputing that sometimes things need to be done quickly, it isn’t always the best measure of success in the grand scheme of things. An equally valuable indication, if not more so in many cases, is continued movement in the right direction. Whether talking about building a better relationship, writing a book, building a career, or crafting a meaningful life, steady progress creates the traction necessary to succeed in any endeavor that matters.

In a world that seems to value quickness over quality it can be hard to take the long view. But then again, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Photo by khalid ait sayh from Pexels

Checking The Emotional Box

I am wondering how often we do something just so that we can check off an emotional box.

The box that when checked says, if you do this, you won’t have to endure the discomfort that comes from doing things differently.

The box that when left unchecked, might result in another’s disappointment in us.

The box that when checked, relieves us of the fear of having to practice a healthier way of being in the world.

The box that when left unchecked, requires more of us.

No one, including me, looks forward to sitting with hard emotions. But then again, when was thinking, or acting, outside the box ever easy?

The Wrong Reason

There are plenty of reasons not to show up fully for your life.

Don’t let fear be one of them.

Bringing Our Best

Years ago during some work with a colleague and now dear friend, my ears perked up when he told a room full of emerging leaders that they owed it to the people who would depend upon them to do what it would take to show up fully. To bring the best of themselves to every endeavor, every day.

That admonition has stuck with me ever since, and I work to not only share it with others, but to live it myself. Yesterday, when writing a blog post about my process for becoming a better steward of my time, his words from years ago came to mind again, as they often do. I ended the post by sharing the four categories I use to consider how to spend my time on who and what matter to me. And because it matters to me to be authentic and appropriately transparent about how I personally apply to myself what I am asking my readers to consider, I shared my four headings:

“In case you’re wondering, my categories were: Molly; People; Vocation; Everything Else. In that order.”

And, to be authentic and transparent, I had to think long and hard about confessing that the priorities for how I spend my time start with me. Even reading it now gives me pause as it sounds self-centered and like life is all about me. (Which, as the youngest of four, and as a four on the enneagram, sometimes it kinda is.) But this isn’t that. In order to show up for the other three categories well, for the people I love, the work that I offer, and everything else that matters to me, I have to bring as much of myself to those parties as I can.

Admittedly, every chapter is different, and what we can do to take care of ourselves in those chapters varies wildly. Sometimes the most we can do is find a few moments of quiet in which to take a few deep breaths. If this is one of those chapters, grab every one of those moments and gulp in as much air as you can before heading back into the fray. Sometimes extending grace to ourselves for doing what we can, and not shaming ourselves for what we can’t, is the most radical act of self care we can take.

We owe it to those who depend on us whether at home or at work or around the corner, to figure out what it takes to bring the best of ourselves to every endeavor, every day. And, we owe it to ourselves as well. I don’t want to leave anything on the table when my time is up. I just want to make sure I bring everything I have to the table while I’m here.

(Thank you DB)

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The Days Of Our Lives

How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard

I have a love-hate relationship with time. I love that I have it and am grateful for every moment that is mine. I hate how hard it is to corral it, and to create a framework that enables me to spend those moments in meaningful ways.

There is no question that time is one of the most valuable resources entrusted to us, and like any other asset at our disposal, it is about so much more than mere management. It is about stewardship.

What will we do with the time we have?

It seems like a question worthy of some serious consideration, and today was my day to consider.

Taking different colored sticky notes, I created four categories, and the endeavors and activities that fall under each. Putting them up in separated columns on the wall, I began moving the pieces around to reflect my priorities. It wasn’t an exercise in creating a longterm plan. I was building a platform for creating a life.

When the picture felt complete, I began playing around with the calendar function shared on all of my devices. I use iCal exclusively for organizing my days, and so assigned a different color to each category so that my calendar visually mirrored the sticky notes on the wall.

While providing ample time for each category, I also built in margins. Times that provide a buffer and build in a sense of spaciousness. Looking at this newly emerging framework, I was reminded that just because there is open space on my calendar doesn’t mean I need to fill it. I began to get a glimpse of how knowing what matters will help me know what to do when, and make more clear what is mine to do. And, what is not. The further along in the process, the more I could see how I can better connect who I am at my core with how I live out in the world.

It’s still a work in progress, and hopefully will be until I run out of the moments that are mine to live. I can expect that for the rest of my days the unanticipated, good, bad, and otherwise, will show up and blow a carefully planned day out of the water, because time is meant to be fluid, not rigid.

Annie Dillard is right.

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Which means, of course, that to be good stewards of our lives, we must first become good stewards of our days.

In case you’re wondering, my categories were: Molly; People; Vocation; Everything Else. In that order.

What are yours?

Paris Clock Photo: Tom Pierson

Time Traveling

The further I go in life, the more I am learning to trust that timing usually works out for the best. Suddenly an appointment gets cancelled or a meeting is called at the last minute, and I realize that the timing is better than originally planned. A calendar that was too full opens up, and days that were heavy with commitments lighten up. Conversely, when space opens up on my calendar it makes the room needed for the unexpected opportunity, the urgent need, or the last minute change.

When we hold on to our time with the death-grip of control, it becomes almost impossible to encounter what life brings our way with a sense of curiosity, grace, and adventure.

Instead of controlling time, I am practicing cooperating with it. It’s actually pretty fun…most of the time.

Photo by Stanislav Kondratiev from Pexels

Fall

Fall is here.

Fall is a time of harvesting the fruits of the season.

Fall is a time of harvesting the fruits of our labors.

Fall is a time of looking back on what we’ve sown, looking squarely on what we have reaped, and looking ahead to what is still ours to do before a new year begins.