Put-And-Take

We have what we call a “put-and-take” savings account as a way of having ready cash when we need it. Every month we put money in there in order to be prepared for expenditures ahead, and, every month it seems we take some of the money out for said expenses.

Money in.

Money out.

Money in.

Money out.

You might describe it as a savings account with a revolving door. The funds are continually deposited and withdrawn to save for and pay for the cost of living. It strikes me as a good metaphor for our lives. We spend ourselves in the service of what matters to us, and in order to do that we must also continually fund our inner account. What it means to do that is unique to each of us, and can change wildly depending upon our life chapter. What matters is that we do it as best we can, because whether talking about money or our life, we can’t spend what we don’t have.

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Bringing Our Best

Years ago during some work with a colleague and now dear friend, my ears perked up when he told a room full of emerging leaders that they owed it to the people who would depend upon them to do what it would take to show up fully. To bring the best of themselves to every endeavor, every day.

That admonition has stuck with me ever since, and I work to not only share it with others, but to live it myself. Yesterday, when writing a blog post about my process for becoming a better steward of my time, his words from years ago came to mind again, as they often do. I ended the post by sharing the four categories I use to consider how to spend my time on who and what matter to me. And because it matters to me to be authentic and appropriately transparent about how I personally apply to myself what I am asking my readers to consider, I shared my four headings:

“In case you’re wondering, my categories were: Molly; People; Vocation; Everything Else. In that order.”

And, to be authentic and transparent, I had to think long and hard about confessing that the priorities for how I spend my time start with me. Even reading it now gives me pause as it sounds self-centered and like life is all about me. (Which, as the youngest of four, and as a four on the enneagram, sometimes it kinda is.) But this isn’t that. In order to show up for the other three categories well, for the people I love, the work that I offer, and everything else that matters to me, I have to bring as much of myself to those parties as I can.

Admittedly, every chapter is different, and what we can do to take care of ourselves in those chapters varies wildly. Sometimes the most we can do is find a few moments of quiet in which to take a few deep breaths. If this is one of those chapters, grab every one of those moments and gulp in as much air as you can before heading back into the fray. Sometimes extending grace to ourselves for doing what we can, and not shaming ourselves for what we can’t, is the most radical act of self care we can take.

We owe it to those who depend on us whether at home or at work or around the corner, to figure out what it takes to bring the best of ourselves to every endeavor, every day. And, we owe it to ourselves as well. I don’t want to leave anything on the table when my time is up. I just want to make sure I bring everything I have to the table while I’m here.

(Thank you DB)

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In Sickness And In Health

My stars have been lucky when it comes to avoiding most of the contagious bugs that seem to catch others, which makes it easy to take my good health for granted. It’s been a good three or four years since I’ve come down with anything, but as I write this, a nasty summer cold is having its way with me.

When my daughters were growing up I came to love it when one or the other stayed home sick. I’d make chicken soup and butter crackers (saltines heated in the oven and slathered with butter), pull out popsicles from the freezer and play any or all of our three favorite sick-day movies— I Love Trouble, The Never Ending Story, and The Princess Bride. What I loved about those days wasn’t that the girls were sick, but the invitation to step out of ordinary time, away from doing and into being.

There’s nothing fun about being sick, but tending to someone who is gives us a chance to forget about ourselves and focus on the needs of someone else, which, I have to say, can be a very healthy thing to do.

When I’m sick, my first thought is always to power through, to keep on keeping on, and maybe feel just a tiny bit sorry for myself. This morning, a couple of days into this thing, I remembered those sick days. It’s too hot for chicken soup, but butter crackers and pop-circles are sounding pretty good, and I’ve got a few more episodes of Season 8 of Suits to finish up. Being under the weather issued an invitation to step out of ordinary time, away from doing and into being.

There’s nothing fun about being sick, but when we are, tending to ourselves gives us a chance to let go of the needs of others, and focus on our own, which, I have to say, can be a very healthy thing to do.