A Question Worth Answering

Today in another rich conversation with my spiritual director, the topic of things I want to make happen, work I want to step into, but haven’t, came up. Again.

After a thoughtful pause, he quietly posed a question. What has kept you from stepping into it up until now? Now that is a question worth answering.

What is something you have really wanted to do? But haven’t.

What is something you have really wanted to make happen? But haven’t?

What is something you have really wanted to bring to life? But haven’t?

What is something you have really wanted to accomplish? But haven’t?

What has kept you from stepping into it up until now?

Now that is a question worth answering.

For all of us.

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The Whole Thirty-One

There is something called the Whole30. An eating program designed to reprogram the way we eat, and the ways in which we think about food. I’m a fan. It has worked for me in the past, and when I am in need of a reset, I will return to it again.

Loosely, it goes something like this. For thirty days, cut out all dairy, added sugars, legumes, grains, and alcohol, choosing instead to consume real food including good protein, plenty of vegetables, fruits, and ample amounts of natural fats. By the grace of God, you can still have coffee.

There were days when this it felt like an impossible assignment. I did it anyway.

There were days, when I felt like a total fraud. I did it anyway.

There were days when I wanted to give in and give up. I did it anyway.

Every time I have completed the Whole30 (and occasionally, the Whole60 or 90) I have felt better. Lots better. More energy, better sleep, increased clarity, and a more positive outlook (after the initial crankiness wears off).

I’m not jumping back on the Whole30 bandwagon just yet, but the program has me thinking about how these same principles—cutting out things that can have a detrimental impact on our health and wellbeing, and consuming instead what will nourish and fuel our lives more effectively—might transfer to other areas of our lives.

Welcome to the Whole Thirty-One: Soul Food Style

Loosely, it goes something like this. For the next 31 days, cut out all negative self-talk, fear-based language, and scarcity thinking, choosing instead to begin each day with a positive mindset, language seasoned with gratitude and grace, and the faith that what is needed will be provided. By the grace of God, you can still have coffee.

There will be days when this will feel like an impossible assignment. I will do it anyway.

There will be days, when I will feel like a total fraud. I will do it anyway.

There will be days when I will want to give in and give up. I will do it anyway.

This sounds like good food for thought to me. Maybe it does to you too.

Welcome to Day 1

What Love Does

Bob Goff wrote a book called Love Does. It’s a great book, and everyone should read it.

The title of his book just about sums it up. Life I mean. Love just plain does stuff. It doesn’t talk about stuff, lecture about stuff, or judge others about their stuff. It just keeps showing up and doing the stuff necessary for the day at hand.

I can’t think of a better question to ask when faced with any decision, big or small than this—What would love do?

And then just go do it.

This is what love did today…

Gracie wanted to march with us because she knows that’s what love does too…but she’s in heat…so she had to watch from the car.

Loose Ends

I hate loose ends. Those tiny bits of this and that waiting to be finished and checked off the list. While there may always be a few threads here and there, right now it feels like life is nothing but frayed edges. Nothing earth shattering, just small things that need to be taken care of, and until they are, it will be hard to get traction on other things. Like a dog circling around and around and around trying to find a place to lie down, I’ve been circling around these things for days now, and it’s starting to wear on me, which in all likelihood means that I’m starting to wear on others too.

Well, not any more.

I’m getting up from my desk now, pad and pen in hand, and making a list room-by-room of the loose ends waiting to be tied off. I’ll be back shortly and let you see what I found

By the end of the weekend, these will be done. Just having them out of my head and down on paper, things are looking up.

Maybe you have some loose ends waiting to be tied up this weekend too. Think how good it will feel when they are.

2:00AM

What is it about 2:00 am?

What if Social Security goes bankrupt in my lifetime?

How will I ever pay off my student loans?

What if we run into a bear on our backpacking trip?

What if I lose my biggest client?

What if I fall asleep in the car tomorrow on the way to my sister’s house?

Will I have enough money to last for the rest of my life?

What if my baby never learns to sleep through the night?

What if no one buys my book?

What if my house doesn’t sell?

Did I drink too much last night?

Where will I live?

What did I do wrong?

What if my test shows that I have cancer?

Am I getting dementia?

Will I ever fit into those jeans again?

These are the thoughts that show up in the middle of the night, and we can’t seem to find our way out of the maze that is fear, worry, anxiety, overwhelm, and hopelessness. While most of those thoughts fade away as a new day dawns, there are those that seem to be repeat guests. As darkness settles around us, they find our vacancy sign turned on, making room for them to crawl in with us again. Instead of enduring another night of tossing and turning, maybe we can recognize such thoughts as a wake-up call. Like an alarm clock, they are a signal meant to wake us up to a need or issue that needs our attention.

Worried about student debt? Call a credit counseling service and make a plan.

Quaking at the thought of a bear in the middle of the trail? Order a can of bear spray.

Ruminating on what you did to cause the rift in a relationship? Go for a walk together and dig a little deeper.

Hate the feeling of those tight jeans? Throw them out, or get on the treadmill.

Whatever it is that keeps us awake at night is best addressed in the light of day.

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The Garage

So we have this garage. It’s a big, beautiful, well-built garage. It was specifically built to have room for two cars, ample storage space, a garbage and recycling station, a workshop to die for, and an upstairs bunkhouse for overflow guests, complete with a full bathroom, and mini-kitchen. It was planned for all of those, has room for all of those, but has none of those, because there isn’t room for any of those. It is filled to the brim with, well, we’re not sure what, but we’re about to find out.

Tomorrow is the first day of Garage Resurrection Week. We’ve set aside the time specifically and intentionally to rid it of any and everything that isn’t needed, wanted, or has past its usefulness, so that we can bring back to life the purpose for which it was built.

A garage is such a metaphor for life. A garage becomes filled with things that get in the way of why it was built in the first place, and a life gets filled with things that get in the way of why we are here in the first place.

It boils down to this…What to keep? What to toss? What to pass on?

Wish us luck.

Being A Better Human Being

Every day there are so many opportunities to practice being a better human being. Or at least there are for me. Most of the time those opportunities come in the form of other human beings. Take today for instance. Thanks to my interactions with others, I’ve had the chance to apologize, circle back, gain clarity, have a go at a better conversation, listen more deeply, bear witness to pain, express appreciation, catch myself before really making a mess of things, not catch myself and have to clean up the mess, and last but not least, have a good laugh at myself for how far I still have to go.

Such life lessons don’t happen in a vacuum. They only happen when we are in relationship with others. Sometimes those others push our buttons, and bingo, there is another chance to practice being a better human being. Other times we push their buttons, and bingo. Another chance to practice being a better human being. When they hold up a mirror for us to see when we aren’t being a better human being, bingo… I think you catch my drift.

As we all know, or should know by now, when things are good, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. When things go bad, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. And of course, when things get ugly, it usually has a lot to do with people and relationships. One thing I know for sure is that I want to help tip the scales for the good, rather than the bad or the ugly. Lucky for me, every day is filled with new opportunities to practice.

The Vision And The Breadcrumb Trail

Finding our way requires having both a vision and a willingness to take the steps to get there. Most of us are better at one than the other. Me? I’m all about the vision, and love imagining the end game. Whether that is standing on a stage speaking to a rapt audience, another book, launching a series of retreats, or installing a full-size labyrinth on our property, I can envision it so clearly that I can almost touch it.

All in my mind’s eye.

All that remains is getting from here to there.

The rub? It’s so much more fun to create the vision than doing what it takes to bring the vision to life.

Bringing our vision to life happens one next right step at a time. From that step, and that step only, can another one take shape, and like breadcrumbs on the trail, we follow the path that unfolds as we walk. Whether that means engaging an agent, starting the book, planning the next retreat, or learning about labyrinths, if I want my vision to come to life, I have to bring my life to the vision.

What is your vision?

What is your next right step?

Just Get It Done

They’ve been on our list for a long, long, long time, and we’ve just kept kicking these particular cans down the road: 

1. Establish an actual budget and track it enough to hold ourselves accountable. (I know, at ages 65 & 71, you’d think we’d have done this years ago. Well, better late than never.)

2. Create a revokable living trust, which also serves to update our very outdated wills.

Every year about this time we talk about getting them done, so that we can finally, at long last, cross them off of our list. And even though they continue to loom in the back of our minds,  every year, we never seem to get around to them.

Now we have.

The budget is done as is an easy tracking system. The proof will be in the pudding whether we actually stick to it or not, but now that the framework is in place, it not only doesn’t sound daunting, it sounds eminently doable. Even, dare I say it, kind of exciting.

The revokable living trust isn’t yet finalized, but we’ve met with our attorney, and as of this past weekend, have read the entire stack of legal documents, which made me want to hit myself in the forehead with a gavel,  but I made my way through every one. Tom and I sat down yesterday and talked them through together, noted our questions and corrections, and made our advance health care directive decisions. I anticipated that last step being the most daunting, but once we talked our way through all of the possible scenarios and what we would/wouldn’t want done in each case, it was quite straightforward. We will have another meeting with our attorney to complete the process, but it is essentially done except for signing on the many dotted lines.

Like many things, now that we’ve actually done what we’ve been meaning to do, and the sense of relief and accomplishment is so great, I wonder what took us so long. If it’s looming in the back of your mind, and you’ve been meaning to get around to it, think how good it will feel to just get it done.

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Does It Have To Hit The Fan?

Little did we know when we brought Gracie-the chocolate-labradoodle into our home, that we were getting a four-legged, curly haired spiritual master. Kind of like our own personal Yoda. But cuter.

We learn from her all the time, and simply caring for her daily needs brings profound lessons. None more so than cleaning up her daily piles out in the yard. Because we are diligent to do so, we are not left with landmines to be avoided, or more likely, stepped in. Once stepped in, there is a whole lot more work to be done in order to clean things back up so as not to bring the un-dealt with shit into our home.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a darn good metaphor for life.

In real life, sometimes we procrastinate, neglect to clean up our messes, and just wait until it all hits the fan, at which point life gets a whole lot harder, not to mention messier. The nasty smelling stuff gets thrown all over anyone within striking distance, and there is a lot of clean up to do. But like little Gracie is teaching us, it happens, and when it does, it is so much easier to pick it up and deal with it, rather than leave it to accumulate.

When it comes to Gracie, we have a practice in place, and because we have committed to the practice, it has become a habit.

See the stuff.

Deal with the stuff.

Be done with the stuff.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like another darn good metaphor for life.

See our stuff.

Deal with our stuff.

Be done with our stuff.

This, of course, isn’t a one and done deal. We will be cleaning up after ourselves for as long as we draw breath. But the stronger our commitment to the practice, the more deeply engrained the habit.

We can wait for the shit to hit the fan.

But it’s a whole lot easier to deal with if we don’t.