Like A Hawk

In front of our home there is an expanse of open field that stretches out toward the mountain. Trees are scattered around the perimeter, and on any given day It is likely that you will find one of the many hawks that call our little valley home perched on the top of one of those trees. From that vantage point they are able to scan the entire field for possible prey. These sharp eyed birds don’t spend all of their time on a tree top, nor do they endlessly fly about in search of their next meal. They seem to know that in order to survive, it is necessary to get a good look at the bigger picture before heading out to do what hawks do.

When it comes to us humans, we could take a lesson from these birds of prey. It is easy to get so caught up in our daily rounds that we forget to take time to pull back and get the big picture view. We simply go and do. Go and do. And, go and do some more.

Any free space on our calendars gets filled by the next request, because rather than pause and head to a nearby treetop, we swoop in on the date and time, and if it’s open, we let the next commitment snatch it up. Simply doing something because we can isn’t necessarily a reason to do it.

If we want to spend our days and expend our energy on who and what we value, we have to learn to pull back and get a hawk’s-eye view of the field that is our life.

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The Halloween Party

“My goal” he said, “is come this fall, I want to want to invite you to our annual Halloween party”. At the time we were sitting with Bob, our potential builder, in his kitchen. Over cups of coffee, we poured over our plans and talked about the ins and outs of building the home we envisioned. By the end of our time around that kitchen table, we sensed that we’d found the guy for us.

We’d met with other builders to get estimates for our project, and to a person, they were first and foremost, all about the money. Don’t get me wrong. When it comes to building a home, money matters…to everyone. However, other things matter too. Like honesty, trust, respect, and a shared commitment to the end goal. In other words, in working together, we weren’t just building a home. We were building a relationship too.

Having talked to numerous people since embarking on this adventure, most people who have a home built for them don’t usually end up with the kind of friendship that we have with Bob. In fact, in the spirit of Halloween, I’ve heard far more horror stories than ones with a happy ending.

Sure there were snafus along the way, and sometimes writing those checks took my breath away. But there were no tricks, and plenty of treats along the way, and none of us ever lost sight of the end goal. A home we loved, and finding ourselves at the next Halloween party.

The first year we went as a homeless couple with signs around our neck that read Will work for house. The next year we simply turned the signs over to read Will work for mortgage. Which, by the way, has been worth every penny!

It’s been over 12 years since that first morning around Bob’s kitchen table, and tonight we are looking forward to another great Halloween party in their home. No costumes required. Kind of like our friendship.

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All The Difference

In my work I frequently, as in almost always, hear client’s frustrations with how things are. They talk about how things should be different. Could be different. Would be different if only…and it is the “if only'“ things that suck up all of their energy, leaving little to none to engage with how things actually are.

It boils down to this, the sooner we stop wishing things were different, the sooner we can get on with actually making a difference.

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Making Light

Humor is simply the best.

Except when it’s not.

Well timed, humor can lighten things up.

Inserted at the wrong time it can make light of situations that are anything but.

Laughter may be the best medicine. But only if everyone involved finds it funny.

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What We Profess

My new passport came in the mail today. To tell you the truth, I’ve never really examined the pages of of my passport before. Driving home from the post office as I sat in the passenger seat, I thumbed through the pages. At the top of each empty page, awaiting the stamp of any countries visited in the future, are quotes that are meant, I suppose, to reflect the heart of the American people. To profess who we are to the world.

The cause of freedom is not the cause of a race or a sect, a party or a class - it is the cause of humankind, the very birthright of humanity. ~ Anna Julia Cooper

Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world must first come to pass in the heart of America. ~ Dwight E. Eisenhower

We have a great dream. It started way back in 1776, and God grant that America will be true to her dream. ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

We send thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We are glad they are still here and hope it will always be so. ~ Excerpt from the Thanksgiving Address, Mohawk version

I wonder about those words in my passport. Are we who we profess to be? Do we practice who we profess to be? If we don’t practice who we claim to be, then like the unstamped pages of my new passport, our words are empty.

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The Air Around Us

Today we purchased a new-to-us car. It is the newest, and the nicest car we’ve ever bought, and adventures await us on the road for sure. But what struck me today wasn’t the new car, but a comment made by one of the employees. Once we had made the decision and were waiting for all the details to be finalized, I was outside leaning against a lamppost when the senior sales manager walked by. I shared with her what a great job the sales associate had done with us…treating us with respect, professionalism, and just plain human kindness. The things we want to occur in any and all interactions we have with anyone else on our shared planet.

This is where it got interesting.

She said, and I quote:

OK… this is kind of weird, she said.

At which point I interrupted her and said… I love weird.

At which point she said, When you and your husband walked up to our counter today, we noticed something about you. You were so warm and kind. As you can imagine, at a car dealership, people come with their pre-conceived notions about what they are going to find, and so we don’t usually get “warm and kind”. After you walked away from the desk, we all looked at each other, pointed to you, and said, “It’s going to be a good day.”

Here’s the thing. Every day we bring with us an aura of who we are, how we are, and the kind of souls we are, or aspire to be. We have an air about us that those around us inhale. Some days I for one do way better than others. Today it was warmth and kindness. Other days, probably not so much.

It seems that today we got it right and had an air about us that had the fragrance of warmth and kindness.

Every time we get in our new-to-us car, I hope to be reminded that whatever we exhale, the air that flows from who and how we are in that moment is going to be inhaled by those around us.

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Traction

It’s been two weeks since I took on the challenge of becoming a better steward of my time. (See The Days of Our Lives ) By determining who and what matter to me, the end result was a framework for how I spend my time, and where I spend my energy. That framework is quickly becoming a platform for making decisions that are in line with who I want to be and what I want my life to be about. Taking the time to get clear about all of that is creating traction in multiple directions. Everything from getting more sleep and exercise, envisioning and crafting new work, connecting with people and getting time to myself, to getting the everyday necessities done. Before going through the process two weeks ago, I was having a hard time getting purchase in any of those areas.

Traction is important.

Traction is what keeps us moving in the right direction.

Traction is what helps us stay on the trail when the going gets slippery.

Traction is what helps us get a grip…and keep it.

No matter what chapter of life we are in, we all need traction to will help us keep on keeping on in the right direction.

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Who Do I Want To Be?

Question of the day:

Who do I want to be in the midst of the life that I have?

We can’t change other people. We really can’t.

We can’t control many of the things that make life challenging. We really can’t.

What we can do is bring the best of ourselves to the day before us. And then get up and do it again tomorrow.

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Letting The Dust Settle

At the end of an especially intense week full of emotional ups and downs, I am reminded of the importance of letting the dust settle.

After any time of intense emotional turmoil, difficult conversations, and unresolved issues, if you are like me, it is tempting to just keep stirring up the emotional dust. To become our own little swirling dust devils spinning out of control, negatively impacting all within our path.

We would be better served, as would those around us, to give ourselves time to sift through the dust and uncover our true feelings, suss out what lies at the heart of the issue, and wrap our minds around what’s really going on.

Only when the dust has settled, can clearer heads prevail.

The Question Of Help

Most people genuinely want to help others. We love to lend a hand, step in and provide assistance, give support, and do what we can to ease the burdens of others. Not just nice lyrics in a classic song, we really do get by better with a little help from our friends - and family - and sometimes complete strangers for that matter.

However.

There can be a fine line between helping and hindering. When we are too quick to step in and help, we risk hindering someone’s chance to step up. When we automatically react to someone’s hardship, there is a good chance they won’t reflect on what’s actually necessary to address the underlying need.

Sometimes helping out means holding back.

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