Misplaced Frustration

frus·tra·tion:

the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something

It’s been one of those days. Off my game. Agitated. Tense. Call it what you will, I don’t like how I am showing up today.

Case in point: I spent a decent amount of time taking whatever it is out on my husband by vigorously expressing my exasperation over a big landscaping project that got started too late and is taking too long. Even though that is clearly not the issue,

But it felt so good to let it out.

After a few long moments I tried again.

“I think this landscaping project is simply a good place to take out my frustration over all the things I feel like I can’t change, and you were the place I chose to take it out. I’m sorry.”

I’m frustrated these days. Maybe you are too.

Over what?

Well, you name it. COVID 19, the looming election, global warming, systemic racism, income disparity, face mask fatigue, people who refuse to wear face masks, fear mongering, people that I love who are hurting, long hold times waiting for answers to urgent questions, dualistic thinking, separation from friends and family, the hidden history of our country that I never learned about until now, the loss of concern for the common good, student loans, healthcare, the threat to our democracy, and all of the other things that are probably on your mind too.

Can you blame us for being frustrated?

Me either.

Let’s just guard against taking out that frustration on those we love.

Going Without

I am currently in the middle of a two-week cleanse. Today is the second day of consuming only water and diluted vegetable and fruit juices. Sometimes we do something for one reason only to to find out that there are other discoveries to be made along the way. In this case I set out to reap the benefits for my physical health and well being, and was surprised to uncover the value to be found in the act of going without.

I love good food. Shopping for it, cooking it, sharing it, and of course, eating it. Nothing wrong with that. However, as I am noticing during these days of caloric restriction, I take food, not to mention abundant, healthy, fresh, delicious, and readily accessible food for granted. As I experience a few mild hunger pangs, I am reminded of just how much I don’t like being hungry, and when I am there is an easy fix always at the ready. The refrigerator is full of good food, the pantry stocked, grocery stores and farm stands are within easy reach, and should I find myself on an empty stomach during a day in town, there are restaurants offering delicious take-out.

Hunger is simply not an issue for me.

The hunger games however, are real.

About 1 in 10 people in the world experience chronic hunger. Even before the COVID-19 crisis hit, hunger was a daily reality for millions of our fellow citizens. While the pandemic may limit some of the foods I typically purchase, I will not be among those who, already accustomed to hunger as a way of life, will be even more deeply impacted by food shortages and food deserts. By some estimates, COVID-19 could double world hunger rates. The inequity in pay received for work done is under even brighter light as many workers, now deemed essential, must continue to subsist on less than a living wage. Those without work face an even bleaker picture.

There is enough food produced on the planet to feed 1.5 x the world population. It is a solvable problem. We all have a part to play. Exactly what that part is, I’m not sure. What I do know, in part for having chosen to go without for a very short time, is that being well fed is a privilege. But it shouldn’t be.

Photo by Magda Ehlers from Pexels

Emotional Weight Lifting

Whether in actual physical proximity to people I care deeply about, or through a virtual connection that is the lifeline of relationship during this time of shared crisis, I feel untethered from my ability to connect with people. Some of the most basic navigational tools I’ve come to rely on are not available at present. No longer able to share a hug, I’m left to rely on my words. Unable to reach out and touch a shoulder, the tone of my voice must convey nuance. Facial expressions are stand-ins for the holding tight of hands, eye contact takes the place of a kiss, and tears that flow more freely than usual have to suffice for the comfort of a long embrace.

Strangely, the ways in which we have become accustomed to connecting to one another now put us all at risk. If we truly want to care for one another, we are being challenged to find new ways of being in relationship with one another. It often feels like trying to complete an intricate task with one hand tied behind my back, or navigate through the house blindfolded. I know what I’m trying to accomplish and where I want to go, but with only half of my relationship wheelhouse available.

It makes me wonder.

How often do we substitute easy contact for real communication and familiar gestures for genuine connection? Perhaps this time of separation, isolation, and physical distancing is a call to forge even deeper connections, hold each other close even when we are alone, and practice going it together even as we stand apart.

Learning to be in relationship without all of our usual resources is really hard work. It is tiring to the point of exhaustion. In many ways it’s like weight-lifting. The only way to get stronger is through repetition, increased effort, pushing past previous limits, and giving ourselves time to rest and recover.

And then going at it again.

Photo: Leon Martinez on pexels.com

Come To The #wakeupappreciaterepeat Party.

This is a repeat of an earlier post. Given the ongoing COVID-19 crisis, I’m sharing it again in the hope of transforming this post into a shared practice.

If you want to join the #wakeupappreciaterepeat party, you are invited to post your three appreciations for the day on Instagram along with the hashtag, and invite any and everyone to join in.

Gratitude and appreciation matter more than ever.

Let’s get this party started!

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How we start any given day sets in motion our eventual arrival at the end.

I’ve done this particular practice on a hit or miss basis in the past. Not any longer. All hit, no miss.

It’s a simple practice and one that didn’t originate with me.

The very first thing, or no later than my first cup of coffee, I identify three things that I appreciate. To be honest, some days it is harder than others to come up with one, much less three. Thankfully, Sleepy Monk Coffee is an automatic go-to, because no matter how bleak or bright the day, I am always grateful for that first sip, which means I’m already a third of the way to my goal. One down, two to go.

To stay on track, I text my three things to the daughter who shared this practice with me in the first place, and she texts her three back, along with the practice hashtag.

Sleepy Monk Coffee

My husband Tom

Connection - Virtual or otherwise

#wakeupappreciaterepeat

Not a bad way to start the day.

(With gratitude to Lo for sharing this life-giving practice.)