Two Humans And A Dog

Early Friday morning, as my husband left for a long day in town, it felt good to hug him just a little bit longer.To linger in that familiar connection, and to remind him to be careful, to drive safely, and to come back home to me. Watching him drive down our road, we waved as he rounded the bend, and then Gracie-the-chocolate labradoodle and I headed out for our morning walk. The one that the three of us, two humans and a dog, usually do together.

On the way out, the sun is always at our backs, casting our shadows down the road ahead of us. That morning, was no different. Except that there were only two shadows. One human and a dog.

Some day it might be like that.

But not yet.

And that is something worth noticing.

Every.

Single.

Day.

BidaWeNestabon

James Stephen Davis was born on August 2, 1942.

Eleven years older than me, I used to kid him that he didn’t even know I existed until I was about 18. He swears it isn’t true, but I wouldn’t blame him if it was. By the time I arrived on the planet he was off to the teenage races, and I was, well, a baby.

Gregarious, good looking, and the life of the party, he played baseball, was a cheerleader, collected friends that are with him to this day, joined the cool dude fraternity on campus, and crammed four years of college into five because there was so much extracurricular learning to be had.

He could get away with things no one else could. Like calling our very proper, very short, very ample grandmother “Shorty”. He convinced our rather sophisticated, rather neat, rather stylish mom to crawl on her hands and knees across a large muddy field to flush a flock of geese on a cold and rainy family hunting trip. Which she did. Geese that turned out to be decoys. One time in Europe with his buddies he talked his way out of a ticket for jay-walking by speaking in pig latin, and probably took the policeman out for a beer afterwards.

After college he took off for California and built what would become a lifetime career in the insurance business. It was work that made perfect sense for this big hearted brother of mine. His priorities have been, are, and always will be people. He has a heart for others, and helping them take care of and protect themselves, their health, cars, homes, and families was a perfect way to do that.

He starts every day with coffee, Jesus, and prayer. It is his faith that orders his days and directs his steps. Life has thrown more than a few health curve balls his way, and his continued presence on the planet is not only a a miracle, but a gift to all who know and love him. Loyal as the day is long, ready to laugh at a moment’s notice, and a spirit that is as tender as it is tenacious, he simply will not let life get him down, and he raises the rest of us up in the process.

Ours was a family in which he only remembers the good. Any other way simply doesn’t make sense to him. Who has time for what could have been easier, better, or different? He is a glass-half-full kinda guy, and his gratitude for the life he has splashes over onto anyone in his presence.

BidaWeNestabon. For as long as I can remember, he has talked about this imaginary neighborhood where we will all live together.

BidaWeNestAbon. There is something about that crazy word that says it all. Can’t you just feel it?

BidaWeNestabon. We will abide together, our hearts held close in a nest woven of the sticks and twigs and bits of this and that which make up and hold a family together, come what may. It is a place that is right here, right now, and a place that awaits us on the other side.

Steve, our world and my heart are better because of you. Many Happy Returns.

BidaWeNestabon, forever and always. Amen.

James Stephen Davis & Andrew James Davis

My Do It!

She was born on May 29, 1983.

As the story goes, some of her earliest words were “My do it!”. That, in a nutshell, sums up the beautiful heart and life of my niece, Elizabeth Ashby.

Born to parents who had the wisdom early on to let her find her own way, she seemed to know—if not exactly where she was going—exactly how to get there. Quite a discovery for a young human, and one that would equip her for the life that was hers to live.

My do it.

It was this fierce determination that led her to volunteer to teach Italian to high school students because there was a need and no teacher to fill it. Don’t speak Italian? No problem. An Italian soap opera and plenty of good pasta and pizza helped her aspiring students find their Sicilian footing.

It was this same tenacity that emboldened her to take on the use of profanity by tough-guy students twice her size. Swear within her earshot? No problem. You get to perform the children’s song “I’m A Little Teapot” for us, right now, complete with hand motions.

Because she knew she could do it, she taught one final cross-fit class on her way to the hospital to give birth.

My do it.

A seven on the Enneagram, also known as the Enthusiast, she doesn’t just bring something to the party. She IS the party. She can make a picnic in any storm, turn a broken arm into a cause for celebration, transform a snafu into an adventure, and find a way to bring a spark of light into any darkness.

Being the one others can look to and rely on can be both deeply gratifying and quietly lonely. Which is why she needs and treasures those who do the same for her. She has learned first hand that being loved well means being seen, being heard, and being safe in the presence of another. This is the kind of love that she offers to others, because this is the type of love that she needs too.

Some with her strengths could become self-centered. Lizzy has, instead, cultivated the art of living from a centered self. It is her faith in her God that centers her, and like the Carpenter she loves, she offers extravagant welcome, loves without strings, and turns a a handful of loaves and fishes for the few into a feast for the many.

My do it.

Little did she know that those three words would lead that very small girl to a very big stage.Would call a woman who values her privacy and that of her family’s to live the most public of lives.

From those early words until now, hers has been an example of what Eugene Peterson calls “a long obedience in the same direction”. She discerns what is hers to do, and then goes about doing it. With all of her heart, and all of her soul, and all of her mind. And trusts that others will do the same.

Many Happy Returns, Lizzy.

Our world and my heart are better because of you.

Love Ya, See Ya, Bye.

Bob Henderson was born on April 13, 1944.

He was born to parents who had come through the depression and knew how to work hard and live frugally. Like many in their generation, parenting was probably mostly about keeping young Bob safe, fed, and well behaved, leaving little time or inclination to understand the inner workings of a young boy. An early report card suggested that perhaps he didn’t play well with others, which made total sense. An only child, he didn’t have siblings to play with, fight with, or get into mischief with, and his parents were busy putting food on the table. All of which meant that, from an early age, he learned to depend on and be responsible for himself.

And despite that beginning, my brother-in-law, Bob, has cultivated a life lived in service to others, a heart overflowing with generosity, and a spirit that is as tender as it is strong. His is the first hand to be raised with an offer to help, no matter the task. Often called Big Bucks Bob, although his stash of bucks isn’t limitless, you’d never know it by the way he shares the financial fruits of his labor with those he loves. While he may have a deep conviction to a particular view of an issue, when it comes to the human being in front of him, love wins out every time. Period.

A One on the Enneagram—known as the Improver or the Perfectionist—he looks for ways to better the world around him, starting with himself. As such, he is his own harshest critic, which is why he is daily amazed by the grace he receives from the God that he loves. It is that overwhelming grace that moves him to be the first to apologize, ask for forgiveness, and allow whatever just transpired to help him move forward with more compassion and greater self-awareness. He is an old dog forever committed to learning new tricks.

His love for his family is second only to his love for God. His faith is the bedrock of his life, the light on his path, and the compass by which he steers his trusty ship. At 80 years old, death doesn’t scare him because he knows to whom he belongs. All of that can be summed up in his signature sign off from every phone call: Love ya, see ya, bye.

With those words, when it comes to Bob Henderson, you can rest assured that you are loved, you are seen, and it’s only goodbye for now.

Happy Birthday Bob. Our world and my heart are better because of you.

Love ya, see ya, bye.

Many Happy Returns

For as long as I can remember, when celebrating a birthday in our family, after grace and before we eat, we speak a blessing to the person who is having a birthday. If we aren’t together, we call on the phone and speak the blessing across the miles.

Many happy returns on the day of thy birth

Many seasons of sunshine be given

May god in his mercy prepare you on earth

For a beautiful birthday in heaven

It just isn’t a birthday without those words. Words that have come to mean the best of home and family, grace and connection. In spite of our differences and many imperfections, it is the perfect blessing to speak into the lives of those we love.

Many happy returns on the day of thy birth

Since the 1700s those words have meant a wish that the recipient of the word lives to experience that day coming again and again and again, and that those years will be filled with happiness. Every trip around the sun is a gift, and to begin a new year with a wish for more to come, sets a new adventure in living off on the right foot.

Many seasons of sunshine be given

There is a rhythm to life that is lived out through the changing seasons. The season of sunshine is the growing season. The time when the fruits of our labors ripen on the branch, and when that which we have sown with our lives grows into fullness and nourishes the world around us.

May god in his (and her) mercy prepare you on earth

We are a small part of a much larger story. One that is far beyond what we can think, dream or imagine. We are always in preparation for what comes next, and everything that happens to us also happens for us. Not done to us by some distant hand to teach us a lesson, but in the company of a loving unseen presence to transform us into the fullness of who we are meant to be.

For a beautiful birthday in heaven

Try as we might, we can’t see beyond the horizon of death. It isn’t ours to know. All we have is now, and what we have to work with is our life . How we live here is meant to be a picture of how we will live there. On earth as it is in heaven.

Today as I start my 67th trip around the sun, this blessing reminds me that I am here to craft a meaningful life. One that will continue to touch the world for good long after I’m gone.

Home For The Holidays

Tomorrow is the first day of December, ushering in another holiday season.

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you peace.

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you joy.

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you connection.

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you life.

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you contentment.

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you rest.

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you grace.

And…

May you celebrate the season in a way that brings you home.

“Roxy”

Photo by Nick Giles

The Shape of Gratitude

“Gratitude is the way home.”

Brené Brown

Most years, Thanksgiving means a houseful of people, an abundance of cooks in the kitchen, and little ones in the midst of it all. We subscribe to the-more-the-merrier philosophy, and most years we are more than merry.

This year however, it will be just the two of us, and we couldn’t be more thankful. Not because we don’t want everyone gathered here, but because everyone will be gathered exactly where they are supposed to be.

All four of our daughters and their families are celebrating this Thanksgiving in the way that is the very best for them. Rather than disappointment, my heart is filled with gratitude for their hard-earned wisdom to discern what will serve them well. Instead of trying to please us or anyone else, I am thankful that they are courageous enough to please themselves. Rather than sadness at their absence, I am grateful for the abundant love of my marriage.

Gratitude comes in all shapes and sizes, and if we can get let go of our expectations about how things should be, we can grab hold of the goodness in how things actually are.

A Star Is Born

Thirty-seven years ago my eldest daughter Haley was born.

I thought I knew the meaning of love before her arrival, but the vastness and depth of love that a heart can hold expanded beyond what I had ever imagined possible the moment I met her.

She took her sweet time getting here, which showed me that she had her own inner sense of timing that she could trust, and that I could too.  

Her innate sense of wonder and curiosity were evident from her first moments on the planet, as she turned her eyes from my face to look out into the world around her in our hospital room. That curiosity has never left, and has led her to explore the world in her own wild and wonderful ways.

She made the perfect decision when it came to the man with whom she would share life.

I know that I was a really good mom, but watching Haley love and nurture her two little boys, and I am over-the-moon in awe. 

She knows who she is and what she stands for. Her faith is her own, and she is willing to stand her ground for what she believes, and, she will walk shoulder to shoulder with any who want the world to be more loving, peaceful and just for all. 

There are many things that I admire in this first daughter, and chief among them are her compassionate heart, fierce loyalty, and deep intellect. Add to that a wicked sense of humor, love of the written word, pie baking passion, and deep love for mending our broken planet, and my mother-cup runneth over.

Happy Birthday Haley.

Our world and my heart are better because of you.

(And to my other three daughters...be ready when your next birthday rolls around. I can’t wait to write about you, because as you know...you are each, in your own way, my favorite!)