In Remembrance

“Life is hard, and God is good.”

Denny

When I made the decision to leave my first marriage many years ago, I needed to talk to my pastor. Thankfully my pastor was Denny. While staying in a marriage that had become dangerous was not an option, my faith made an already difficult choice even more complicated. Walking into his office at the church, he pulled a chair up for me so that we were facing each other, took a deep breath, looked into my eyes and said, As your pastor I know what I’m supposed to say, but I haven’t walked in your shoes. What do you need and how can I help? What I needed was the grace of God, prayers for the road ahead, and, as an about-to-become-single-stay-at-home mom, I needed a job.

As we sat there he listened to me without judgement, handed me a Kleenex as the tears fell, prayed with me, and then, he gave me a job..

It had taken me a long time to come to my decision, and when I finally found the courage to leave, my biggest fear was that God would stay behind at church and close the door, leaving me to fend for myself. My greatest surprise was finding that God came with me, helped me pack my bags, carry them from my old life and load them into the new, and with the help of His good and faithful servant Denny, gave me a job cleaning classrooms inside the walls of the church in which I would always be welcome .

Death is never easy on those left behind. Yet somehow the earth trembles a bit more when some souls leave the planet. Today, the earth shook as Denny left the planet far sooner than any of us could have imagined. Denny, I am so grateful you were right. Life is hard, and God is good.

God's Jar

Last night we gathered to celebrate the life of my dearest friend’s father who passed a month ago at the age of 95. We told stories, ate her lasagna (his favorite) and drank Manhattans (also his favorite), and at the end of the evening I read a piece I wrote a few years ago about a beautiful wooden bowl we received as a wedding present. Life looks different now than when I wrote these words, but they still have a ring of truth to them, and probably always will.

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We have a God Jar in our home. It is a beautiful, hand-turned wooden bowl created by my best friend’s dad. It was a wedding present and I’ve never quite known what to do with it. Until now. It sits on a little round metal table that I found at a junk store somewhere, and I guess it’s kind of like an altar. I like the idea of an altar coming from the Goodwill or a dumpster. It isn’t all churchy and shiny and serious. It is uneven, rusty and beyond imperfect. Like life. 

The God Jar sits on the junk store altar next to a little pot that one of my daughters threw in a pottery class. It isn’t perfect either, so it fits perfectly, and is filled with blank, torn up pieces of paper and a pen. Whenever anyone has something that they need help with, something that is bigger than they are, they write it on a piece of that paper and tuck it in the God Jar. Every day I stop at least once if not a hundred times, put my hand on the God Jar and ask for help with whatever is in there. 

Now, God is not in the jar. It’s not a magic jar. It is just a simple way of remembering to have faith and trust that life will work out. 

 God’s Jar has brought faith to our home in a new way. My girls ask me to put things in the God Jar, and their friends slip notes in there when I’m not looking. I am always putting things in there too, and no matter how many things go into that jar, there is always room for more. Stuff happens when something goes in the jar.  Things in the jar have resolved, grown or gone away. Opportunities have come knocking, solutions have arisen, and cups have runneth over. Jobs have been found and bad relationships left behind. Forgiveness has been extended and health has returned. Strength for one more day has been mustered and next steps have become clear.  

But lately my faith has been sort of shaky. We are facing all kinds of changes and transitions, the future seems sort of rocky, and I can’t see as far down the road as I would like. Rather than walk in faith, I creep in fear. I write down my concerns, fears, hopes and dreams, put them in the jar, and then walk away, but I can still feel the weight of them on my shoulders.. 

Then one day it dawned on me that I might just need to climb in the jar too. Put my whole self in, just like the hokey-pokey.  So I did. I just took one of those little torn up pieces of paper, wrote my name, and dropped it in.  I have to be honest though, ever since I got in the jar with all the other things, life still feels shaky. As if God is shaking me and the stuff in the jar all around. I don’t like the feeling. I feel out of control. And then I remember the hokey-pokey. You put your whole self in and you shake it all around. That’s what it’s all about.  

Spring Pruning

I almost forgot to cut the ferns back. It is a task that can be done in late winter or early spring, it doesn’t matter. It just matters that you do it.  

Pruning away the old, brown fronds improves the appearance of the plant, increases the air flow to prevent mold, and allows new fronds to emerge. It only took about 30 minutes to complete the job, and the new fronds, now visible, were curled up tight as little fists. The very next day, those little fists began to uncurl into new vibrant green leaves. 

Like a fern, for us to flourish the old needs to be trimmed away in order for new growth to emerge.

But You Can't Hide

It is so easy to look for an escape hatch.

We move on from one situation in the hopes of leaving our troubles behind, only to find that they have followed us into the new one.

We head for the greener grass on the other side of the fence, only to discover we haven’t yet learned how to feed and water our own lawn.

We pack up and find a new home, only to be greeted at the door by the same life we had before.

We end one relationship in search of a better one, and find the same partner wearing a different face.

At one time or another all of us find ourselves in need of a fresh start, and crossing the finish line of our current race is the only to get there.

No matter how fast or far we run, whatever we choose to ignore comes with us wherever we go.

Seize The Day

Some days I’m struck with the fragile nature of life. Today is one of those.

Lives hang in the balance. Medical treatments fail to turn the tide. Wounds that could have been healed are not. Relationships that could have been knit back together become unraveled. Forgiveness that could have been extended is withheld. Words that could have been spoken remain silent.

We never know for sure if tomorrow will come, much less what it will bring.

Life is here.

Life is now.

Carpe diem.

A Mother's Day

Nobody tells you how hard it is going to be. That a mother’s day requires everything you have to give, and a lot of what you don’t. That the needs of others can drown out your own, and that in watching out for your children, you can easily lose sight of yourself

Don’t do that.

One of the most important gifts we can give to our children, no matter what stage in life, is a mom who loves and cares for herself. A tall order no matter how you cut it. At the beginning, learning to care for ourselves feels like a radical act, kind of like staging our own revolution. But no meaningful change throughout history has happened without a lot of rabble-rousers tiring of the status quo. To change the course of our own histories is no different. We have to become rebels for our own cause, knowing that it will ruffle a lot of feathers, including our own. Meeting our own needs often collides with those of others, and it is uncomfortable for everyone as we begin to care for ourselves in new ways.

Sometimes all we can eke out is a dropper full of self-care. Ten quiet minutes alone, a walk around the block, a hot shower, or heating up leftovers, again. Managing a whole pitcher of care can be hard to come by, but to live with our glass half full means refilling it whenever and however we can. Being able to step back and catch our breath will mean that someone else will have to step up. Let them.

Self-care means discovering what we need in order to show up for what life requires. It is about equipping ourselves well so that we are well equipped for the life we have, including loving and caring for our children.

It’s not about being self-centered.

It’s about living from a centered self.

The Garage—A Retrospective

Earlier this year we began talking about all the building and home improvement projects we are excited to take on: a bunkhouse above the garage, a bucket list shop for Tom, a new lawn, an in-ground sprinkler system, an outdoor shower, a garden, an outdoor meditation space, and a full-size labyrinth, just to name a few.

Every one of those projects sounded fun, creative, and exciting. However, none of those could happen until we cleaned out the garage, which didn’t sound fun, creative, or exciting.

As of 6 days ago, it was filled to the rafters with things we’ve accumulated over the past 25 years as we’ve moved most of the contents from one garage, basement, extra bedroom, or storage unit to another.

Today, it isn’t.

Looking back over a week (that actually turned out to be fun, creative, and exciting) here are a few things that are worth noting…

Starting matters.

The first step is always the hardest, so get it over with and get moving.

Momentum matters.

Once in motion, keep going.

Finishing matters.

When tempted to stop, don’t.

This morning we torched off the burn pile, made up of pine branches, and, an accumulation of the flotsam and jetsam that did nothing but weigh us down and wear us out.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

With gratitude to Bob and Margie. We couldn’t have done it without you.

The Garage Day 6

One day this week my husband Tom and brother-in-law Bob loaded up two mattress sets and headed out to drop them off at an establishment that makes household goods, furniture, and clothing items available to the community. The mattresses were clean and in reasonably good shape, and according to the woman I spoke with on the phone, they would take them. However, when the guys got there, as it turned out, they wouldn’t, which left only one option—adding them to an already overflowing landfill.

Just about then a nearby volunteer walked up and quietly asked if she might be able to have them. She was a single mom who had recently moved here, and neither she nor her young daughter had a bed to crawl into at night. Long story short, Tom and Bob followed her to her apartment, carried the mattresses upstairs, along with a beautiful antique headboard and good bedding for both beds. And just like that, she and her daughter had a comfortable place to lay their heads.

If we keep our eyes open there are hidden treasures to be found along the way, even amidst the trash.

The Garage Day 5

On this 5th day of the garage cleaning project, new space continues to emerge.

Whether talking about our time, our tasks, our minds, or our souls, uncluttered space makes room for us to breathe.

This is what came out of the garage…

This is what is going back in…

The thing with unoccupied space is that it has a tendency to get filled up again.

As it turns out, cleaning the garage isn’t the beginning of the end.

It’s really just the end of the beginning.

The Garage Day 4

At first you think you’re done.

And then you're not.

Because it feels so good to get some momentum going and like you’re making great progress, which you probably are, it can be tempting to think the job is done.

Because it feels so good to have accomplished so much, it is tempting to call it good, and leave the remaining boxes, bins, nooks, and crannies for another day.

We aren’t doing that, and the sifting, sorting, and tossing continues.

When tackling a project like the garage, or an inner life for that matter, as it says on one of our daughter’s favorite coffee mugs—There is no secret. Keep going.