Elder + Connector + Writer
Question of the day:
Who do I want to be in the midst of the life that I have?
We can’t change other people. We really can’t.
We can’t control many of the things that make life challenging. We really can’t.
What we can do is bring the best of ourselves to the day before us. And then get up and do it again tomorrow.
Photo by Porapak Apichodilok from Pexels
Recently, in conversation with a young professional, we talked about important skills that might help further their professional growth and development. The one that came to mind was the ability to think well on the spot. This wise young person referred to it as thinking on your toes. Now maybe that is a familiar phrase to everyone but me, but I’d never heard it put that way before.
Thinking on our feet is one thing. But thinking on our toes? That takes things to a whole new level.
To think on our toes means that we are poised and ready.
To think on our toes means that we are agile and responsive.
To think on our toes means that we live with anticipation, eager to encounter what life brings our way.
To think on our toes means that we’ve put in the time it takes to be able to trust ourselves in the moment.
To think on our toes means that we won’t get caught flat footed when challenges hit us or opportunity knocks.
To think on our toes means that we see life as the dance that it is, and are always ready to learn new steps.
Photo by Yogendra Singh from Pexels
I am wondering how often we do something just so that we can check off an emotional box.
The box that when checked says, if you do this, you won’t have to endure the discomfort that comes from doing things differently.
The box that when left unchecked, might result in another’s disappointment in us.
The box that when checked, relieves us of the fear of having to practice a healthier way of being in the world.
The box that when left unchecked, requires more of us.
No one, including me, looks forward to sitting with hard emotions. But then again, when was thinking, or acting, outside the box ever easy?
There are plenty of reasons not to show up fully for your life.
Don’t let fear be one of them.
How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives.
Annie Dillard
I have a love-hate relationship with time. I love that I have it and am grateful for every moment that is mine. I hate how hard it is to corral it, and to create a framework that enables me to spend those moments in meaningful ways.
There is no question that time is one of the most valuable resources entrusted to us, and like any other asset at our disposal, it is about so much more than mere management. It is about stewardship.
What will we do with the time we have?
It seems like a question worthy of some serious consideration, and today was my day to consider.
Taking different colored sticky notes, I created four categories, and the endeavors and activities that fall under each. Putting them up in separated columns on the wall, I began moving the pieces around to reflect my priorities. It wasn’t an exercise in creating a longterm plan. I was building a platform for creating a life.
When the picture felt complete, I began playing around with the calendar function shared on all of my devices. I use iCal exclusively for organizing my days, and so assigned a different color to each category so that my calendar visually mirrored the sticky notes on the wall.
While providing ample time for each category, I also built in margins. Times that provide a buffer and build in a sense of spaciousness. Looking at this newly emerging framework, I was reminded that just because there is open space on my calendar doesn’t mean I need to fill it. I began to get a glimpse of how knowing what matters will help me know what to do when, and make more clear what is mine to do. And, what is not. The further along in the process, the more I could see how I can better connect who I am at my core with how I live out in the world.
It’s still a work in progress, and hopefully will be until I run out of the moments that are mine to live. I can expect that for the rest of my days the unanticipated, good, bad, and otherwise, will show up and blow a carefully planned day out of the water, because time is meant to be fluid, not rigid.
Annie Dillard is right.
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
Which means, of course, that to be good stewards of our lives, we must first become good stewards of our days.
In case you’re wondering, my categories were: Molly; People; Vocation; Everything Else. In that order.
What are yours?
Paris Clock Photo: Tom Pierson
The further I go in life, the more I am learning to trust that timing usually works out for the best. Suddenly an appointment gets cancelled or a meeting is called at the last minute, and I realize that the timing is better than originally planned. A calendar that was too full opens up, and days that were heavy with commitments lighten up. Conversely, when space opens up on my calendar it makes the room needed for the unexpected opportunity, the urgent need, or the last minute change.
When we hold on to our time with the death-grip of control, it becomes almost impossible to encounter what life brings our way with a sense of curiosity, grace, and adventure.
Instead of controlling time, I am practicing cooperating with it. It’s actually pretty fun…most of the time.
Photo by Stanislav Kondratiev from Pexels
The art of telling the truth takes a lifetime to master. Every day we are surrounded with opportunities to practice saying what we mean and meaning what we say. Telling the truth is as simple as that and as hard as it gets.
When it comes to having the real conversations, the ones that matter, it is tempting to take an easier way out. To couch what we say in general terms and hope they figure it out. To soften the message so that we don’t have to own up to what we really want to say if we had the courage.
Any truth, no matter how inconvenient, can be shared in a way that comes from the best of us. With practice, we can become more skilled at telling the truth as we see it, and more open to hearing how others see it. And that is how it can set us free.
Photo by Daniel Bendig from Pexels
It can be hard to have the courage to take care of ourselves. To be willing to say no to requests, risk disappointing others, making changes that others may not like, and standing firm in doing for ourselves what we know we need to do. When we ignore our own needs in order to take care of those of others it eventually catches up with us, sometimes in ways from which it is difficult to recover.
One of the most loving things we can do for the others in our lives, especially those to whom we are the closest, is to love ourselves well. It bears repeating that taking care of ourselves isn’t about being self-centered, it’s about living from a centered self.
Photo: pixels.com
“The business of life is the acquisition of memories. In the end, that’s all there is.”
Mr. Carson: Butler of Downton Abbey
The choices we make today are creating the memories we will remember tomorrow.
After years of leading workshops and retreats and working with coaching clients, there is almost always this moment when the energy changes. Something I’ve said strikes a nerve, gets to the point, or sheds a light on something true. People perk up and listen, pick up a pen, and begin writing. Yesterday, in a workshop on leading teams, that moment came when I talked about how un-dealt with issues can undermine team strength, erode trust, and cause communication breakdowns. In the room heads nodded as they brought to mind what those unresolved issues and avoided conversations might be in their own teams.
We didn’t talk about the specifics, because that is their work to do in the days ahead, and because I usually teach what I need to hear too, I work to be right there with them. To apply what I am saying to them to my own life. It is safe to say that most of us don’t wake up and hope to have a difficult conversation, face avoided issues, and ask hard questions. It is equally safe to say that the longer we put such things off, the harder they are to face.
Whether talking about an organization, work team, friendship, marriage, NFL team, or a family, developing the skills to address issues as they arise, work through things rather than skirt around them, and keep our “accounts” current, is hard work, but oh such good work. It pays off every time we have the courage to do it, and it costs us every time we don’t.
MOLLY DAVIS is the founder of Trailhead Coaching & Consulting. She writes about lessons and adventures from the trail, and knows from firsthand experience that sometimes the only way to discover where you want to be, is to get lost where you don't. If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to pass it along.
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