End In Sight

A common theme with family, friends, and clients is the importance of ending whatever it is well. A conversation, a job, a relationship, and of course, a year. What better time to to consider what it means to end well than the last month of the year. For many reasons it seems that 2020 will call upon each of us to bring the best of what we have to give to the year before us. Ending this year well will set us up to do just that.

What will it mean for you to end 2019 well, so that you can bring the best of what you have to give to the year ahead? Whatever it is, today is the time to begin.

Photo: Pexels.com

Better Questions

Lately we’ve had a lot of conversation in our family about how to ask better questions when someone we love is in need of our support.

Question: Can I do anything for you?

Better Question: How can I be most helpful to you right now?

Question: What’s wrong?

Better Question: Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Question: Are you ok?

Better question: How are you doing right now?

The question is, what are the better questions you can ask those you love when they are in need of support? The only way to find out is to ask.

Photo by Dương Nhân from Pexels

December 1, 2019

Time to embrace the last month of this year with gratitude and grace.

Let it be so.

The Wrong Question

When things aren’t going well for us and we find ourselves in some sort of emotional meltdown, being asked the wrong question only sends us further down the emotional rabbit hole from which we are trying to escape. What we need in our moments of emotional madness, when we are flooded with very real emotions that we can’t yet explain, we simply need you to be with us. We need your presence not your questions. Your support not your problem solving skills.

It can be so tempting to ask What is wrong?.

The truth of the matter is, nothing is wrong, it is simply real.

A No-Nonsense Thanksgiving

nonsense: words that have no meaning or make no sense

When it comes to describing our Thanksgiving this year, the words that have no meaning or make no sense are words like perfect, elegant, formal, fancy, flawless, tidy, or impressive. No one who will gather around our table has the capacity to pull off any of those words. Collectively we are worn out, adjusting to big changes, loving, raising and growing little humans, moving into new homes, having real conversations about real things, holding one another accountable for and loving each other in spite of ”our stuff”. It simply feels like life is as real as real can get.

When it comes to our Thanksgiving this year, the only words that make any sense are words like messy, simple, casual, imperfect, crazy, loud, emotional, and authentic. Thankfully we are finding ways to make sure that it is well-seasoned with ample amounts of love, grace, and laughter, because if we are hungry for nothing else, we are hungry for those.

I guess you could call it a No-Nonsense Thanksgiving, which might just be the very best kind.

Welcome Home

Whenever anyone in our family moves into a new house, the first order of business is to set up the bed, complete with sheets, pillows, comforter, and pillows in pillow shams. There is a good chance that for some time to come, the rest of the house will be in a complete shambles of partially unpacked boxes, packing paper, bubble wrap, and pizza boxes.

The task of moving in and making a house into a home is daunting at best, and there is a need to momentarily catch a glimpse of a light at the end of the move-in tunnel. A quick glance into the bedroom of the made bed is that glimpse. It is a reminder that you are home.

The Best Laid Plans

There’s planning for how things will work out, and then there’s how they actually do.

It isn’t that planning doesn’t matter. It truly does. However, there are so many variables and so many unknowns, we also need to learn how to roll with the punches.

Today was a great day to practice rolling with the punches that came my way.

And you know what?

Tomorrow probably will be too.

Photo: Pexels.com

Shedding Our Skin

There is a good chance that most of us have stumbled upon an old snake skin. It looks like the snake simply slithered out of the old skin, leaving it in one piece, a remnant of life before the new skin appeared. One of the reasons snakes shed their skin is to make room for further growth. The shedding of their skin is necessary because while their body continues to grow, their skin does not, and in order to accommodate the growth that has occurred, new skin is required.

Have you ever had the experience of slipping into your old skin? The one that served you once, but no longer does? While it might feel tight and a bit constrictive, there is a familiarity about it that, for the moment, feels comforting. We know that old skin. We remember that old skin. We even miss that old skin because becoming more of who we are meant to be means risking being in the world in new ways that are anything but familiar.

We humans do the same thing. We shed our skins too, just in smaller increments. A reminder that the skin held us together in the past is too small to contain us now.

Photo: Pexels.com

Unloading The Wheelbarrow

It is easy to treat our mind like a mental wheelbarrow. One that we fill to the brim with issues, and our thoughts and feelings about those issues, all of which require precious mental and emotional energy as we carry them with us wherever we go. Rather than taking the time to actually do something about the contents of the wheelbarrow, we just keep wheeling them through our days.

If you’re like me, almost anything is fair game to pile into the cart. On any given day my cart might be piled high with relationship issues, conversations past, present and future, financial concerns, heartaches, challenges to those we love, health issues, politics, global warming, aging skin, unfinished projects, the NFL Playoffs, and the holidays. Just to name a few.

One of the best practices we can develop is to lighten our own mental load. To stop pushing the wheelbarrow, take out one thing, and deal with it. Find out about it. Understand the truth about it, and with that understanding do what we can to take care of it.

To lighten your mental load, what is one thing you can take out of your wheelbarrow?

Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels

Giving Up On Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving there are so many moving parts that it is impossible to nail down an exact plan.

Who’s coming when? We tried to come up with an exact schedule, and then gave up.

Will there be enough beds for everyone? We tried to come up with an exact schematic, and then gave up.

Enough cribs for the littles? We tried to figure it out exactly, and then gave up.

How many people to plan on for dinner? We tried to come up with an exact count, and then gave up.

All we know is that people we love will show up when they can, everyone will have some sort of place to lay their head, babies will be tucked in at night, and there will be plenty of food for everyone. Because we’ve given up on having it be exactly as we want it, we are free to give thanks that it is turning out exactly as it is.

Which might just be exactly the best way to do it.