Elder + Connector + Writer
In my work I frequently, as in almost always, hear client’s frustrations with how things are. They talk about how things should be different. Could be different. Would be different if only…and it is the “if only'“ things that suck up all of their energy, leaving little to none to engage with how things actually are.
It boils down to this, the sooner we stop wishing things were different, the sooner we can get on with actually making a difference.
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It was a cold, wet, dark, drizzly morning in our little neck of the woods. But rain or shine, Gracie-the-chocolate-labradoodle needs to get outside and get some exercise, and frankly, so do I.
Heading out it didn’t feel like there was much joy in the air, and to be sure, there are days when joy can be hard to come by. Part way down our road we came upon a downed branch from a nearby tree. It was almost twice as long as Gracie with smaller branches sticking out all over, and my thought was to toss it off to the side of the road out of the way of cars. Just throw it away, be done with it, and check the walk-the-dog-in-spite-of-the-cold-wet-dark-drizzly-joyless morning off of my list.
Gracie, however, had a different idea.
She grabbed that stick by one of the branches and took off at full tilt. She shook it this way, and then that way. Head held high, tail up in the air, she pranced up the road, raced in circles, lost her grip on the branch, and snatched it up again. Shaking a stick at the cold, wet, dark, drizzly morning, up and down the road she pranced, around and around the field she raced. She just simply wouldn’t, or more likely couldn’t, quit. She was brown, curly haired joy from tip to tail. Pretty soon, so was I—minus the curly brown hair and tail. Joy, it seems, is contagious.
Rather than shake our fist at a dark day, maybe we can try being like Gracie, and shake a joyful stick at it instead.
My new passport came in the mail today. To tell you the truth, I’ve never really examined the pages of of my passport before. Driving home from the post office as I sat in the passenger seat, I thumbed through the pages. At the top of each empty page, awaiting the stamp of any countries visited in the future, are quotes that are meant, I suppose, to reflect the heart of the American people. To profess who we are to the world.
The cause of freedom is not the cause of a race or a sect, a party or a class - it is the cause of humankind, the very birthright of humanity. ~ Anna Julia Cooper
Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world must first come to pass in the heart of America. ~ Dwight E. Eisenhower
We have a great dream. It started way back in 1776, and God grant that America will be true to her dream. ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
We send thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We are glad they are still here and hope it will always be so. ~ Excerpt from the Thanksgiving Address, Mohawk version
I wonder about those words in my passport. Are we who we profess to be? Do we practice who we profess to be? If we don’t practice who we claim to be, then like the unstamped pages of my new passport, our words are empty.
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Community is a place where the connections felt in our hearts make themselves known in the bonds between people, and where the tuggings and pullings of those bonds keep opening our hearts. ~ Parker Palmer
Tonight there was a fund raiser in our little town. A prime rib dinner no less, where pounds and pounds of beef were cooked to perfection by one of our own, along with foil wrapped baked potatoes, green salad and homemade desserts. Volunteers sliced and scooped and served and cleared. The money raised will support the senior class, which depending on the year ranges in size from one to three students.
It’s been a long week, and I for one was bone tired, but in a time when there is so much that pulls us apart, it was good to come together to sit around paper covered cafeteria tables with our neighbors, catch up on the goings on in our lives, and remember that come what may, we are all in this life together.
As the days turn shorter, the clouds roll in, and the rain begins to fall, there is a shift that takes place. It seems harder to get out of bed, easier to feel isolated, and more tempting to give into negative thoughts. Let’s not do that. Let’s let these dark days be a time of coming together with those we love, of savoring the foods that warm us in cold weather, and of bundling up, heading out into the rain and bringing the best of ourselves to the world around us.
After all, when was becoming more fully human, and living into who we are meant to be ever a fair-weather sport?
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Today we purchased a new-to-us car. It is the newest, and the nicest car we’ve ever bought, and adventures await us on the road for sure. But what struck me today wasn’t the new car, but a comment made by one of the employees. Once we had made the decision and were waiting for all the details to be finalized, I was outside leaning against a lamppost when the senior sales manager walked by. I shared with her what a great job the sales associate had done with us…treating us with respect, professionalism, and just plain human kindness. The things we want to occur in any and all interactions we have with anyone else on our shared planet.
This is where it got interesting.
She said, and I quote:
OK… this is kind of weird, she said.
At which point I interrupted her and said… I love weird.
At which point she said, When you and your husband walked up to our counter today, we noticed something about you. You were so warm and kind. As you can imagine, at a car dealership, people come with their pre-conceived notions about what they are going to find, and so we don’t usually get “warm and kind”. After you walked away from the desk, we all looked at each other, pointed to you, and said, “It’s going to be a good day.”
Here’s the thing. Every day we bring with us an aura of who we are, how we are, and the kind of souls we are, or aspire to be. We have an air about us that those around us inhale. Some days I for one do way better than others. Today it was warmth and kindness. Other days, probably not so much.
It seems that today we got it right and had an air about us that had the fragrance of warmth and kindness.
Every time we get in our new-to-us car, I hope to be reminded that whatever we exhale, the air that flows from who and how we are in that moment is going to be inhaled by those around us.
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After our parents had both passed away, we were in the process of preparing their longtime home for sale. There can be such rich nuggets of insight mined during the process of sifting through the riverbed of the lives of those no longer with us. One such gem was quietly placed on their refrigerator door. In my mom’s elegant and more easily recognizable than readable handwriting was her mantra for throwing a good party.
When getting ready for a party, pretend the party is a day earlier.
That was her secret to being a gracious hostess. One who wasn’t frazzled and in a hurry when guests arrived. To implement these words of wisdom, she always set the table the day before the party, as if the guests were going to walk in at any minute. Fresh candles were placed in holders, wine glasses were out, and serving dishes sat neatly stacked on a cleaned counter.
There is a gathering at our home this coming Saturday, and I will be out of town until the night before, so yesterday I set the table, filled the candle holders, and set out the wine glasses and serving dishes.
Our mom left the planet in 2000, but ever since then my sister and I have followed her good advice. When hosting a family event together, it is our favorite part of the preparation. It just plain works, and I wholeheartedly encourage you to try it.
The table set beforehand sets the table for gracious welcome.
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It’s been two weeks since I took on the challenge of becoming a better steward of my time. (See The Days of Our Lives ) By determining who and what matter to me, the end result was a framework for how I spend my time, and where I spend my energy. That framework is quickly becoming a platform for making decisions that are in line with who I want to be and what I want my life to be about. Taking the time to get clear about all of that is creating traction in multiple directions. Everything from getting more sleep and exercise, envisioning and crafting new work, connecting with people and getting time to myself, to getting the everyday necessities done. Before going through the process two weeks ago, I was having a hard time getting purchase in any of those areas.
Traction is important.
Traction is what keeps us moving in the right direction.
Traction is what helps us stay on the trail when the going gets slippery.
Traction is what helps us get a grip…and keep it.
No matter what chapter of life we are in, we all need traction to will help us keep on keeping on in the right direction.
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MOLLY DAVIS is the founder of Trailhead Coaching & Consulting. She writes about lessons and adventures from the trail, and knows from firsthand experience that sometimes the only way to discover where you want to be, is to get lost where you don't. If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to pass it along.
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