Elder + Connector + Writer
There are two types of energy with which we can meet the world.
Aspirational or Oppositional.
We can extend our efforts to achieve what we envision, work for a desired outcome, and move toward our aspirations.
Or.
We can extend our efforts to prevent what we dread, work against unwanted outcomes, and move away from what we fear.
The former is built on hope, the latter on fear.
Are you working for what you want, or against what you don’t?
Pixels.com
Not too long ago I was walking down an aisle at Costco looking for something on my list. An employee in the same aisle looked at me, smiled, and in an all-too-perky-slightly-patronizing voice said, Well, hello there young lady. How are you today?
First of all, I’m 65 years old, and while I may look pretty good for my age, and tend to dress in a rather hip-but-appropriate-for-my-age kind of way, I am most certainly not a “young” lady by anyone’s standard.
Second of all, I don’t want to be young again. While I wish I had started wearing sun screen earlier, every wrinkle and line tells the story of the life I’ve lived, and the wisdom I’ve gained has been hard won.
For those of us in the third-third of life, it could be, should be, our vision to show what it means to age well. To stay active and strong, and to continue to offer our strengths and gifts to the world around us. To lead the charge in modeling the courage to continue to show up and do the work of becoming authentic and wholehearted human beings.
From the moment we arrive on the planet we are on a one way trip off of it again. Every year is ours to make of it what we can in order to, in some way, leave the world better than we found it. My 66th year is just around my corner, and in case anyone is wondering, this 65 year old woman is doing just fine, thank you.
(Sometimes I just need to rant a little.)
…I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.
~ Barbara Brown Taylor - Learning To Walk In The Dark
It’s called Delores’s Delight.
The favorite dessert of my childhood, I dusted off the recipe card today and made a big batch of it for the first time in years. If I had to choose a final meal before leaving the planet, this dessert would be on the menu. While others in my family wanted cake for their birthday, I only wanted this, and if you decide to make a batch, you’ll probably know why.
Growing up, the best part about it wasn’t the first piece after dinner, delicious as it was. It was waking up in the middle of the night, sneaking into the kitchen and finding my dad there too. In the dark we would cut two more pieces and savor every bite before heading back to bed. Somehow it tasted even better in the shadow filled kitchen than the light filled dining room.
When it comes to this delectable dessert, it is the crushed dark chocolate cookies layered on the bottom and sprinkled over the top that help hold it all together and set off the flavor of the sweet, rich center. In our lives, the dark, the shadow parts of ourselves that we have been courageous enough to explore and come to know as intimately as the rest, are layered with the light, and are key ingredients in what it means to be a whole human being.
Delore’s Delight is a combination of the dark and the light, just like my relationship with my dad. And a lot like real life when it comes right down to it. In order for our lives to be authentic, wholehearted and real, we must incorporate the dark with the light in order to cook up a whole life. One without the other just doesn’t cut it.
On the home page for Life In The Trinity Ministry there is a phrase that rings as so true and so important.
A place for solitary work that cannot be done alone.
There is work that is ours to do, and no one else can do it for us.
However.
There is a need for us to have a safe place to do that work in relationship with others. A place where we can say what is true for us and be heard. A place where we can bring our questions and not get ready answers, our fears and not have them shushed away, and our messy emotions and not have someone try to clean them up. We need people who will keep us from getting burned, and, will hold our feet to the fire. People who see for us what we can’t see for ourselves, and, who accept us as we are.
While the work may be ours alone to do, there is safety in numbers. Going it together reminds us that we are not alone in our desire to make sense of things, and to become as fully ourselves as we are meant to be.
I am grateful to those who walk with me on my journey to becoming whole, and for those who invite me to walk with them.
Onward.
Together.
Photo by Matt Hatchett from Pexels
Our lives are made up of so many bits and pieces that it is easy to lose sight of the wholeness of it all. Not the perfection of it all, but the wholeness that is our life. Like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, each little piece contains a small fragment of the image that when put together will make the whole picture.
We, or at least I, get sidetracked by the small bits, forgetting that they are necessary to the whole. And in forgetting that they are necessary to the whole I let myself get swept up in frustration at what I’m not getting to, seeing things as interruptions to my day rather than integral to my day.
I forget that it all matters. I forget that the task at hand, the person on the other end of the phone, and the unexpected occurrence are all parts of the larger picture. They are all opportunities to show up fully and bring the best of myself to what, in that moment, is mine to do.
I forget that every emotion matters. I forget that there is as much to learn from the visitation of the hard emotions, the dark and painful ones, as there is from the gentle, shimmering, and delightful ones. That every one that comes knocking at my door has, as Rumi writes in The Guesthouse, been sent as a guide from beyond.
I forget that as Franciscan priest, author, and spiritual teacher Richard Rohr believes, everything belongs. Think about that for a moment. Everything belongs. Everything belongs. Everything belongs.
Everything.
What if we began to see everything that shows up at our doorstep as an invitation to become more of who we are meant to be?
What if we began to actually live into the truth that everything belongs.
It might just change everything.
Photo: pexels.com
With gratitude to Dane Anthony
On a whim last Sunday we took a detour on our way home from a weekend of hiking and camping. The potential of a long soak in hot mineral waters and a 30 minute linen wrap in the historic bathhouse at the Carson Hot Springs Resort sounded simply too good to pass up. Taking a chance that they would have tubs available for us we turned off the highway, and within a half an hour I was submerged in steaming hot water with a cold wash cloth on my head.
Not always one to be present to the moment, I made the choice, over and over again, to return to the sensation of the hot water on my skin, the cool touch of the wash cloth on my forehead, and the heat soaking into muscles that had worked hard to carry me safely up to the edge of the Mount St. Helens crater and back again. By the time my soak was done, I found myself squarely situated in the present moment. Thoughts about the past and any concerns about the coming week seemed to have drained away along with the water in the tub.
From the soak I headed into the quiet room lined with cots and covered with fresh linen sheets, found the one that was mine, and lay down. The sweet attendant asked what kind of wrap I preferred: tight, medium, or loose? I went with medium, opted for another cool cloth on my forehead, and a towel wrap over my head. For thirty minutes I didn’t even have to work at being present. There was no where else I wanted, or needed to be.
Almost asleep when my time was up I stood and slowly made my way toward the showers and couldn’t help but notice one of the other women in the room. Like me, she had come from a soak and was laying on her cot wrapped in a linen sheet. She didn’t however seem to be in the room at all, mesmerized as she was by her cell-phone. Watching as she clicked and scrolled and swiped, I couldn’t help but think about all of the times that I am anywhere but where I am. If not glued to my phone, then following the rabbit trails of thoughts, diving into one hole after another.
Granted, not every moment is a linen wrap after a hot soak, but the present moment is where we are meant to be. It is the place we are called to show up as fully and whole-heartedly as we can, over and over again. It takes practice, and some days it comes easier than others, but I hope to remember the contrast between those minutes in the tub and on that table, and all the times I find myself lost in the past or projecting myself into the future.
The only way to be squarely where we are is to choose, over and over again, to submerge ourselves in the present moment, soak it in and get completely wrapped up in it.
They may not be our favorite teachers, but they are some of our best teachers. The people who seem to be able to push our buttons, get under our skin, and rub us the wrong way, are the same people who offer us the chance to do it right even when it’s hard. They provide us with opportunities to practice being who we want to be even in the midst of challenging circumstances, and reveal the places in us that still need our attention. If we let them, they will stretch us and push us, and help us grow in ways that only a good teacher can. And before we get too carried away making a list of who all those people might be, it’s good to remember that we are showing up on a few other people’s list too.
Making big decisions is rarely easy. Even small ones can give us pause as we worry about getting it wrong, making a mistake, missing an opportunity or getting stuck. There is no doubt that some decisions have bigger consequences than others and have the potential to impact us, and those we love, for years to come. Developing the ability to choose well takes practice. We learn by getting it right, and, by getting it wrong, and while we can never know if things will turn out as we plan and hope, and in fact will rarely if ever work out as we envision, we can decide what matters to us. We can identify the boxes that need to be checked in order to feel good about our choices.
Making a good decision starts with deciding who we are, what kind of person we want to be, what we want to get out of life and what we want to give back to life. It’s the decision to make before making the decision.
One of my pet peeves is people’s reluctance to RSVP to an invitation. It is like they are waiting to see if something better shows up before committing themselves. I should know because I’ve done that myself, but having thrown some pretty great shindigs in my day, I know firsthand that it’s hard to plan a good party when you don’t know who is going to show up.
Every morning arrives with a new invitation to bring who we are and what we have to offer to life’s party. Some times it’s harder than others to commit to the day at hand, and there are times when the best choice is to bow out and catch our breath. But every morning, the invitation is there, waiting for our response s'il vous plaît.
With or without us, the party is being planned. Are we in? Or out?
Photo by samaraagenstvo feeria from Pexels
When climbing a steep slope, scrambling over boulders, or as we did recently, a combination of both, it is important to remember to always keep three points of contact so as not to lose one’s balance. Falling in such a situation can lead to serious injury or worse. The same is true as we navigate the slopes and boulders and sometimes precarious trails that are our life.
Stay in touch with your soul, your true self.
Stay in touch with your life, the one that you are here to live in order to leave the world better because of you.
Stay in touch with the divine, that which is bigger than you, the presence the surrounds and supports and shelters you.
MOLLY DAVIS is the founder of Trailhead Coaching & Consulting. She writes about lessons and adventures from the trail, and knows from firsthand experience that sometimes the only way to discover where you want to be, is to get lost where you don't. If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to pass it along.
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