Two days ago I posted a piece here called Old Friends, about emotions that we’ve known for so long that they have become, well, like old friends. We know them, are comfortable with them, and at times, we need to spend time with them. However, because we are so familiar with them, it is easy to allow them unfettered access to our inner living rooms, and they overstay their welcome.

I have more than one old friend when it comes to emotions, but the one I chose to write about was Melancholy because she has been with me for as long as I can remember. As I was writing about her the other day I decided to call her Mel. It was as if that had been her name all along, I just never thought to call her that before.

As it turns out, giving this emotion a name gives me a new handle on what to do when she shows up. I can greet her by name, as in, Well, hello there Mel. I wasn’t expecting you today, but now that you’re here, what am I going to do with you?

Somehow treating her as an actual visitor gives me some agency over how I will deal with her. Do I invite her in for a good visit? After all, she may have important things to share about what is going on for me at the time. On the other hand, if she simply wants to drop in to rehash the past, again, maybe better to send her on her way.

We had family staying with us the day that blog posted, and after reading it together it started a conversation that is still going on and is expanding to more friends and family. We are having fun (mostly) helping each other figure out exactly who these old friends are, what to name them, why they have been with us for so long, and what to do with them when they show up.

Somehow giving them a name is helping us to learn that just because they are old friends doesn’t mean they get to move in.